The painful part about hypersexuality isn't just wanting sexual satisfaction; it is also about sexual security. It is living in fear of your own libido; even if you satiate your urges, soon after, you live in fear of the next time those urges come back. Then what? Sex is a need for us and many of us have jobs we go to day by day in order to get a lot of the other things we need like food, clothing, shelter, etc. However, imagine if the only jobs available were the ones that lasted for a day. And for most of those days, you won't be hired. The excitement of getting hired wouldn't last because the next day with its uncertainty is just around the corner. Sex is the one need that works that way for us; if you are lucky, you get a one night stand. If you are luckier, you get a long-term sexual relationship.

That's the horrifying thing about sexual security compared to other forms; it more explicitly relies on another person assisting you in that security. This is why many of us place our safety and emotional health at risk; it is why we settle even in unhappy relationships. It is why we give chances to riskier people on average. If what we offer is not enough, it places a lot of stress on our self-worth. We seek what we want wherever we can; through various dating websites, forums, clubs, chats, jobs, and anywhere we can meet people for even the smallest chance of sexual fulfillment. Because of how much we want sex, how much other people value us as sexual partners become THAT much more important to us and we put ourselves in the position to face THAT much more rejection. If you've ever been let go of a job and you still had bills to pay, the stress of that is comparable for a hypersexual when they do not have a sexual partner and when that partner shows even the smallest sign of sexual disinterest, it puts us in yet another form of distress analogous to that of your boss being dissatisfied with you. Similar to a college graduate who cannot find a job and thus has to worry if they'll ever be enough for a financially stable job, hypersexuality puts us into a position where we have to wonder if we'll *EVER* be enough to get the sexual life that we need. There is also the matter that most people simply don't have this need and such people have the patience and the security to be able to have the motivations of their interactions with other people be less about sex and have more selection regarding intimate relationships because they have the patience to put other aspects of such relationships first while we ourselves simply cannot afford that patience.

As such, hypersexuality, for us, isn't just about wanting to jack off all day. It affects our self-esteem because we feel the need to be more desirable because of our need to have sex since not having that need fulfilled puts us into a form of hell inside our own bodies; it also affects the way we perceive others, the motivation of our interactions and how that conflicts with the motivations other have, how we plan for the future and how we spend our time in the present in order to prepare for it (For me, it's countless hours of dating apps, searching for sexting partners, and going to social events with a sexual atmosphere), and this ultimately, it sets us up to feel isolated from other people leading us to feel more undesirable and even more anxious about the future; it's a terrible negative feedback loop for which we don't see any feasible end. For me personally, it also made me less patient with the problems of other people because my hypersexuality weighs so much on me. As long as I am desperately horny, I become emotionally unavailable to give the care I'd normally want to give to other people. How would anyone else understand? "Sorry, you are going through family stuff right now but I am too emotionally troubled with my sexual drive to help you with you?" How can we expect that sort of understanding from other people when our needs aren't exactly the same as theirs?

Day by day, I wish I could find another hypersexual and end this torment. I often wonder if I give help and support to people here for the right reasons. I feel like I just offer support so that people would want to get closer to me and they'd help me out sexually because they'd understand. I don't even know how to separate the desire to simply get what I need from the genuine desire to want to help others. It's a lot of weight on my conscious.