TW (Self Harm, Mentions of Suicidal thoughts, and Transphobia)

I'm really lost, my mental health has declined very badly. This disorder is slowly killing me. I've been alone and I've been suffering. In my search for a caregiver the people who have contacted me have tried taking advantage of me. I haven't been treated like a human. I can't be disposed of like I'm not my own being. I've started pulling out my hair and I barely have any motivation to leave my bed or eat. The only thing I've eaten today was a McDonald's meal. I wouldn't have drank any liquids if it wasn't for the McDonald's meal. People have degraded me tell me they don't even see me as a boy. They tell me they're straight and don't see me fully as a man. But claim they don't see me as a women either.

I just can't take it anymore..

People have contacted me telling me they would never ghost me and they'll take care of me but they don't contact me for days. And I'm left alone confused and scared. I've been abused my entire childhood, I've never had someone to help take care of me. I'm so tired and I've been thinking of doing worse things then I've already been doing already.

People tell me you'll find someone, there is more people out there. But it doesn't feel like anything but pity when you've heard it from 20 people.

I'm just lost and don't know what to do