This is my first ever post on reddit (TM18) it has relevance I've always just been an observer then a participant but I feel like I need to write something at least right now.

I was always Hypersexual ever since I young and it worsened when I got into a sexually abusive relationship at 12. I've been in two other relationships after and then last one was the best relationship I had. But they are gone and I have no one to take care of me. They helped me through my disorder and always protected me and kept me feeling safe. But they are gone and I've had no one to take care of me.

I've gone on dating apps looking for a relationship but they all block me and call me weird. Or they ghost me and leave me alone and embarrassed wondering what I did wrong. My self esteem is extremely low and it keeps getting worse the more people reject me and leave me alone. I tell them about my disorder because it's a very big part of my life and how much it effects me but they think I'm only looking for sex. But I've never even had sex before and I'm extremely afraid of actually doing intimate things due to trauma.

I'm having very bad thoughts about myself and my disorder is worsening. The thoughts are worsening and no one is there to comfort me or take care of me. I'm just completely alone being beat down and becoming smaller the more I'm rejected and called weird or blocked and ghosted.

And I have no idea what to do.