I only lost my virginity the previous January but the shit feeling of being sexually unsatisfied was so constant even well before then that I normalized my subpar mental health. Having sex was like putting on glasses for the first time after finding out you need aids for your vision. It was honestly scary how much my mood and temperament improved for even just a few weeks. This definitely wasn't some after sex glow; I could only characterize it as something like feeling completely alone and isolated then making a friend that finally gets you.

It was then I accepted "Wow, I actually need this."; before, the dysfunction my sexual needs had on my life readily apparent. My struggling performance in school skyrocketed a few weeks after every time I had sex that year and I started making A's on nearly every assignment at one point only for it to slowly decrease as the lack of satisfaction came back. I probably had sex with a total of 5 people with two of them being people who I saw more than once.

That's where the real problem lies. The fear. The fear of spending my short term and long term future struggling to be sexually satisfied. Thinking about how would my responsibilities suffer. But even worse, the fear that my sex drive will go back to how much it left me agonizing, draining my will to live. Every failure to find someone whether through apps or meetups around my area leaves the fear weighing heavier. I bought some expensive sex toys to hold over and I speak to my therapist but the results were hardly any change. I guess the worry about being hypersexual for me isn't just "Wow, I really want sex right now" but rather, "what will happen to me if things don't improve but actually gets worse." That is prolly the biggest source of distress regarding my hypersexuality as of recent.