Hello Bob, how's Muriel?

I've known a couple of people, submissive partners, who have had some really quite nasty, kinky desires. They're much darker than I am, and as a result introduced me to a darker side of myself that I kind of knew existed, but had never managed to flex. I've learnt a lot from, or perhaps I should say, with them. I don't want to take anything away from them, I do think that perhaps rather than teaching me, what they did was allow me the opportunity to explore. First through conversation, and later through actions.

As one of them says, "I want to be used. I want to be abused." I think there's two types of people who say that sort of thing:

• Those who have no real idea what on earth they're doing. They desire an untested fantasy. These are the same kind of people who say, "I have no limits. You can do whatever you want to me."

[There's nothing wrong with being new. We all were. However, I prefer new people with small ideas, and the potential to grow. Rather than having B-I-G I-D-E-A-S, which often have a way of not turning out the way they were imagined. aka Serial Killer Syndrome.]

• The second group are the complete opposite of the first. They've spent time exploring, and understanding their own sexuality. Learning, through experience, what it is they like. They have the ability to verbalise what they want, and how it is they've come to be there.

I guess, if I had to apply labels to what it is I'm talking about, it would combine free use, and CnC, including degradation, and humiliation. Just our bag ;)

Whenever we played at our hardest, and I made the most demands of them, one of these people would often crash immediately afterwards. I suspect it's a form of sub drop. She's a gorgeous, but irregular fish, and would probably be irked by having that term applied to her. She much prefers a straight forward use of language. So, with that in mind, she becomes very needy for reassurance, validation and emotional contact. She's often tearful, and withdraws into herself. Communication becomes quite taxing, including finding it difficult to explain what's going on with her. Fortunately, the signs are easily recognisable, so I'm able to pick up the pieces and provide the sort of care she needs.

Unless. . . and this is the point of this post. I find her vulnerability ever so intoxicating. She becomes extremely malleable, submissive, open. At the very least, I want to fuck her when she's like this. I like tears anyway, and am beginning to realise vulnerability is also something I find . . . desirable is the wrong word. Alluring!

I am the scorpion who stung the frog, and so for me vanilla sex is never entirely vanilla. So whilst it's much calmer and low-key, I'm still going to prod, pinch, and whisper nasty things to her. I guess the easiest way to explain this would be a faux, or pseudo form of aftercare. I offer some attentiveness, but in actual fact, I'm taking advantage of her vulnerability.

She likes to be made to feel unhappy. It's a part of her abuse kink. As for me, I'm led by a deviant mind. This idea wasn't something I devised. It just appeared one day, in the moment. She was snivelly, clingy and upset. I was surprised to find myself thinking, "This is actually surprisingly hot, and you know what would be good right now?!?!?" Obviously, being a gentleman, I didn't act on it. Rather, I set those thoughts aside, for a conversation a few days later when we were both in a place to discuss it.

I'm sure some people will go and find a chair, just so that they can stand on it and yell, "That's unhealthy. I see Red Flags everywhere." All I'd say to them is that this is entirely consensual. Informed consent, obtained through discussion as equals.

I like the idea of Anti-Aftercare. Of course, to be followed by After-Aftercare. . . or is it?