Hi all, I am trying to unravel a few things, because I’m vaguely confused by my own kinks, or their evolution, and I want to understand. A few months ago, I wrote down a fantasy of mine from start to finish, with the vague idea of commissioning someone to read it aloud, audio erotica style. But it ended in a very different place than I expected. It got really verbally/emotionally abusive in incredibly intense ways. The girl telling me she hated me, that she enjoyed destroying me, that I could never be loved…all sorts of really heavy things. Thing is that I really got off on it – like I was craving that kind of thing. Physical pain does nothing for me, but the emotional pain of that really…really was amazing. I’ve also enjoyed kinkshaming as a kink…again, based on the idea of a partner or mother figure verbally destroying me for my own kinks. On a related note, I’ve noticed my interests shifting in the past few years. I was never interested in same sex interaction until it just…popped up in a fantasy one day. Again, it was noncon and abusive. More recently, I’ve been having dreams about being feminized, being used as a female. All these centre around the feeling of…wrongness, I guess. I don’t really know how to link all this, and its fairly intense so I would like to understand it. Typical bondage and flogger BDSM holds know appeal for me really. Its all twisted emotional degradation and hateful stuff. I guess I just wonder where this ends, and if anyone else has felt like this.