This is my first time posting here, so I hope this is an appropriate post. Everyone is over 18 in this. I wanted to share this because I have been thinking about it a lot and don't really feel like I have anywhere else I can share it with.

When I was in my undergrad a couple of years ago, I was working in the kitchen on my campus with other undergrads and there was a girl there I met one day while working in the dish pit the summer before school started and the way she treated was so demeaning that it turned me on in a way I had never been turned on before in public, or by someone in person. She made me feel the way I felt when I read a short story about erotic humiliation and bullying, as I do to get that feeling.

But it was like I was suddenly out of control and she had all the power. She could inflict that humiliating shame upon me whenever she wanted. The way she laughed at me made me tingle; how she always dared me to eat some gross congregation of dish water-soaked leftover mess of food at the bottom of the sink, and it was so disgusting. But I would have eaten it if she would have teased me to do it, or just commanded me, or told me that that I should do it because she wanted me to. She made me feel insecure about my height by calling me shorty, which I had never been insecure about before, while she claimed had the perfect height. She wouldn't let me forget how short I was which just fueled the fire. I wanted her to get to know all my insecurities and make fun of me for them and laugh at me. God, her laugh was just something else.

She also used to splash me with the water from the sink, which I kind of craved if I am honest. Just the way she looked at me with a smirk afterward, like she was better than me and I deserved to be drenched. I think it amused her and I craved that. I have no idea why.

What was kind of worse was the fact there was another helper there who was also an undergrad who picked up on how the other girl treated me and played along with it. She also made fun of me and talked to me in the same way the other girl would. It just drives me crazy thinking about it still because I don't have anyone like that in my life and haven't had anyone who has had that kind of power over me since. I wanted to worship her and do anything for her and all I wanted back was for her to humiliate me. I still think of all the things that could have happened, and it is frustrating because the relationship didn't last that long or develop any further. But it is probably for the best since we weren't good for each other.

Anyway, I just wanted to share this because, like I said, I have nowhere else, and I want it off my mind. And maybe to understand my desire more.