So you sometimes or maybe often seen it written or hear it said that bdsm participants should only engage in activities they both/all enjoy. And I somewhat disagree with that right off the bat as, for example, some people indulge their partners who have a fetish without being into the fetish themselves, and no harm is done, it often makes the fetishist very happy. And I think the same thing can often happen with BDSM activities, as long as it doesn't violate anyone's limits or consent.

So I'm wondering if most people feel that way about humiliation play? Should participants only engage in play everyone in the scene fully enjoys? Or is there some middle ground where it's mainly or solely done for one or more of the participants but not all of them.

That probably makes sense on it's own but an example in case it's somehow fuzzy. There is of course some humiliation play that makes me all blushy and/or turned on. But there are a few things that I have done that I found just make me feel silly or stupid which, admittedly, is still a valid and probably desired humiliation emotion for some, just not necessarily erotic for me, like when I was told to wear a tiara. I think the person who asked me to do it was just fooling around that day, not even trying to make me feel humiliated, but I just felt dumb. But if it came to a scene and they wanted me to do that I still would because it would make them happy or turned on though it would do nothing for me yet isn't bad enough to be on my 'nope' list like, say, scat play would.

So how do you all feel about it and if you engage in 'indulgent' play have you found it hard to stay engaged or found any techniques to help you enjoy it more, other than the other persons reaction?