To be clear, I'm married, in the closet and wife doesn't know of my interest in men. I have permission to see women sexually but not men.

I'm 45, attractive as a woman if not passable, as complimented by men on the very rare occasions I can get dressed and go to a trans friendly bar or club. I've been on a multi year journey to discover myself in my early middle age and have found self worth and mostly dissipated shame in being both genders, and consider both my genders to be straight sexually.

While I do consider myself emotionally and physically attractive, I will say I am not able to shave because my wife likes my body hair, and that's not going to change. I can address a lot of it with clothes and I can shave my intimate areas and chest but legs/arms are a no go. If a smooth girl is a non-negotiable for you I'm not your girl.

I have been told by guys I talk to that my feminine energy is extremely strong, even as compared to cis-women and other's on the trans spectrum and I'd agree with them. I find men attractive as a woman, and that has come to mean the whole attraction. My heart can skip a beat when I make eye contact with a good looking man and my mind gets filled with romantic thoughts such as "how nice would it be to hold his hand" or "how would it make me feel if he walked side by side with me with his hand on the small of my back".

I've been with three men sexually. The first two were good experiences but neither was particularly erotic or romantic in bed. No kissing, minimal requisite levels of foreplay. The third guy loved foreplay and was happy to make out with me and the sex was so much more affirming and desirable as a result. Kissing is absolutely a must have for me. It's non-negotiable, if you aren't into making out with me it's not worth your time to message me.

I have a lot of post history on reddit so you can see what I want and think about so I encourage anyone who's gotten to this point to read it and if you find it interesting you can reach out. I will say that my interest quickly wanes if all a guy wants to talk about is sex. I want to learn about you, know you, and likely only then will I become sexually interested.

There is a possibility for me to host, but it will come after significant levels of energy have been put forth in getting to know each other by chat and eventually meeting in public (me dressed as a woman).

If you are open to putting in the effort I'd be happy to receive a message.

I'm not going to reply to low effort introductions. Tell me about yourself and not just your kinks. My attraction is going to start from knowing about you.

Additionally, if any women read this and are interested in friendship, please reach out. I promise it isn't for any interest sexually but I really would like the perspective and friendship of a woman.

I'm not likely to reply unless you write me an introductory paragraph about you non-sexually. Unless you look like Steve Nash :)

I'm hoping to eventually meet the right guy. I know my circumstances as well as the wants and desires of the types of guys that might be interested will have attraction and logistical challenges so I'm not under the illusion that this will happen quickly. I am also not willing to reduce my standards because I do value myself as a person and I am worth putting effort towards.

I'm also curious about trying to blur the lines a little further to the gay spectrum, but not all the way. For example try sex without any makeup or a wig but still in full feminine clothes and/lingerie. Extra points to guys willing to indulge in that (and would make it easier to have sex more often)