To be clear, I'm married, in the closet and wife doesn't know of my interest in men. I have permission to see women sexually but not men.

I'm 43, attractive as a woman if not passable, as complimented by men on the very rare occasions I can get dressed and go to a trans friendly bar or club. I've been on a multi year journey to discover myself in my early middle age and have found self worth and mostly dissipated shame in being both genders, and consider both genders to be straight sexually.

I find men attractive as a woman, and that has come to mean the whole attraction. My heart can skip a beat when I make eye contact with a good looking man and my mind gets filled with romantic thoughts such as "how nice would it be to hold his hand" or "how would it make me feel if he walked side by side with me with his hand on the small of my back".

I've been with a couple men sexually and while it has been great neither has been particularly erotic or romantic in bed. No kissing, minimal requisite levels of foreplay. It has been important for my journey to experience it, yes, but it is time for more intimacy.

I have a lot of post history on reddit so you can see what I want and think about so I encourage anyone who's gotten to this point to read it and if you find it interesting you can reach out. I will say that my interest quickly wanes if all a guy wants to talk about is sex. I want to learn about you, know you, and likely only then will I become sexually interested.

There is a possibility for me to host, but it will come after significant levels of energy have been put forth in getting to know each other by chat and eventually meeting in public (me dressed as a woman).

If you are open to putting in the effort I'd be happy to receive a message.

If any woman reads this and is interested in friendship or more, I'm open to it although I don't know the nature of it. I am willing to explore it though!