Humiliation is not something we were brought up to embrace, but it often becomes a facet of the psyche in relationships involving an alpha male, where the husband concedes defeat. I don't pretend that my experience is comprehensive or reflects other women's circumstances. Every relationship is unique, with its own tension points, consents, and needs.

I am Zurati, a doctor specializing in women's reproductive health. When I was younger, I never dreamed that I would be center stage in a cuckolding relationship, let alone come to see humiliating some men as a normal activity. Much of what has happened to me feels extraordinary. I have spent a decade or more learning the messages about women as moral guardians of society. Responding to instincts, those that I believe are more deeply rooted than we care to acknowledge, took some getting used to.

It's my theory, and only a theory, that there is a part of a woman's brain cued into seeking pleasure and reward. It's quite subconscious, but that is what operates when you fall for a bull, an alpha male. He epitomizes masculinity and what can be possible if you complement him—the alpha male dominant, his woman submissive. No matter how feminist you think you are, no matter how well-educated, the thrill of responding in this way to a bull is overwhelming. You allow sexual authority, his authority, to direct much more of your life.

The other part of your subconscious brain is cued into threat. While growing up, you learn to identify that which could be dangerous, unpleasant, difficult, or stressful. It is this part that gets activated, in a strange way, to produce (I think) humiliation. One man has to be put down (not in the vet sense!) to protect what you are exploring with your dominant male. The weaker male has to be suppressed, weakened, his self-esteem bruised, to keep him out of focus. Honestly, when you are with a dominant male, a complete male, your 'utter' male, you don't want to involve your husband. He has to be pushed aside, made less, so that he doesn't compete for what you give to your real man.

One of the things that start to happen is that you observe your husband closely, noticing how specific words, actions, or situations affect him. You become incredibly astute in your reading of a male whom you perhaps hadn't really observed properly in a very long time. From those observations, you develop a scale of humiliation, discerning what impacts the individual most profoundly.

Let me provide an example. Kissing, especially proper open-mouthed kissing with your partner, can wreak havoc on a cuckold's self-esteem. However, even within this realm, there are different points on the scale. For instance, relatively low on the scale—yet erection-producing and frustrating—is a passionate kiss with your partner on the sofa while the cuckold watches TV nearby.

Humiliation, I suppose, is a constant background pressure on a cuckolded husband and something that spikes every so often too. In medicine, if it were an illness, then that would be 'acute on chronic.' One noticeable aspect is how much attention you pay to your appearance when engaging in an alpha relationship. Your husband feels the contrast significantly – the effort in makeup, hair, nails, and the overall presentation.

The point, however, is that the look you adopt communicates things like, "I love sex now. I'm getting what I need." The fact that you never made much effort for your husband represents a significant turning of the screw. People observe that you look 'content,' 'energized,' and they deduce that from noticing your clothes.

So, humiliation, that is how it seems to me. It is consensual. Husbands could resist; they have the choice to leave. But I think, if they were brutally honest, it is one reason for them to stay. In some way, they have your attention. They hold a place in your scheme of things. However lowly it is, it helps spin the trellis, the sensuality of cuckold sex. I suppose you're a bit of a provocateur. But then I would also whisper, 'maybe lots of women are provocateurs...in the right circumstance.' Ugly as it is, sex can be elitist. I have simply accepted that fact.

Anyway, that's just me rambling. So, tell me, how has humiliation become a part of your experience, and what do you do?