So last night I once again brought up my favorite hot-past story with my girl (the time she hooked up with the biggest fuckboy in our school at a party I took her to before we were a couple). I asked her a question that had never occurred to me before: "did you know you wanted him to fuck you the moment you saw him?" Her answer was: "no, but once he started flirting with me and touching me, that was when I wanted him to". I followed up with "he touched you that good?" Her answer was "yeah, he just knew all the right places to touch".

As we then continued to go back over ground we'd already covered before, just recollecting details from the night, I brought up the part where I heard her cry out for the first time from the bedroom they were in, and she said "yeah, I couldn't help it". I followed up with "he really got you good didn't he?" To which she replied "yeah, he did". I followed up by telling her that the moment I realised he really had her was when she cried out his name, and she said "I think that's when he realised it too".

At that point, a question that I have always wanted to ask but have always been too afraid to popped into my head. I went back and forth with myself in my own head about whether I really should ask it or not, probably only for like 3 seconds but it felt like a minute or more, haha. But then, I just blurted it out:

"Was he better than me baby?"

Without a moment's hesitation, my girl answered bluntly: "Yes baby, he was better."

Her answer stung pretty bad, but it also turned me on so much too. I instantly grabbed her and kissed her, and we ended up fucking for nearly an hour.

Now, the next day, I don't feel how I always worried I would feel after getting that answer to that question. I thought I would be tortured by jealousy and depressed and crushed. I DO feel very jealous, not gonna lie, and I do feel a sting when I remember her answer, but I also feel excited and turned on knowing the truth now. It's odd. I kinda hate it, but I kinda love it too.