My grandfather is in the slow process of dying. He's had renal failure for a year that he refused dialysis for. I understand and respected the situation. A few weeks ago, he was hospitalized and got 4pts of blood due to a critical hematocrit from a GI bleed. He refused a single chance at dialysis (again respect it but shaking my head this time) to get his numbers decent enough to scrope & cauterize the bleed, if it's able to be done.

So he's been effectively dying slowly of a GI bleed and complications of end stage kidney failure.

I've been swapping on and off with Karen, my egg donor parent that I'm estranged with. When my great grandfather died, she wound up stealing his checkbook and card and buying a bunch of shit before the family knew and before the bank was alerted. For obvious reasons, nobody, including my grandfather, entirely trust her. She did however spend years doing CNA stuff, so he trusts her to be there in event of emergencies.

But she's controlling, and constantly trying to trick my grandfather into giving her what she wants. She's been controlling what's on the TV against what he wants, and is trying to twist every last drop of money from him for staying with him.

Finally I was able to get him alone and without her- something she won't let my dad do in an attempt to control the situation. My dad is the one in control of his finances and medical care when he's no longer able to speak for himself, something that my dad is doing an amazing job of, standing up beside my grandfather, despite being my grandpa's ex-son in law.

While talking with him, he spoke of his fears of dying. And fears of Karen taking things she shouldn't. And people being upset about whatever he leaves them. I told him everyone dies, and we have lots of external data but not as much internal information, just as a side effect of how dying happens. He was concerned about the meds hospice offered, and I told him ultimately it was his decision to take or not take them, but they are there to help him, and we could discuss with his nurses on lowering doses/splitting doses, or just taking them as needed. And anyone who complains about their inheritance can just eat sh*t.

But today on coming in, he has resisted laying down. He said he's afraid of dropping dead in front of myself or Karen. When she goes off to sleep I'll probably talk with him, but I've already witnessed my dad's dad pass, I was going into nursing before my disability made me unable to work. So like... I don't mind. Ultimately I want him to be comfortable pursuing whatever makes him the most comfortable in this situation. Just looking for advise on how to approach it and what to say