(Don't tell me this is unhealthy. I don't give a damn. It's how I feel)

This pain is so overwhelming, this pain of not having you with me. I don't even know who you are and it's driving me mad. Everyday I go I can't see you by me, all I can think about is what beautiful future we would have because I won't settle for anyone that isn't you. I want to be locked for eternity in a cycle of love with you:

where you go, I go. When you die, I die. I want to be consumed by your death. I want the only thing I hold to the absolute highest degree on my pedestal to be your happiness. I want to feel like the world can burn and I wouldn't care as long as you are happy. I want to be excited to go through hell and back for you on loop, enthusiastically if it means you are happy and safe. I want to be there for everything you can possibly imagine, I want to take your little broken soul when everyone has failed you and be your everything, I want to make it all better, I want to burn the world down for you.

I want to go mad upon your death and loose my mind, maybe off myself or starve myself when you die at some point, and I want to wear that grief like a badge of honor. I want people to tell me 'girl you need to move on, he died 10 years ago' and their words make me want to throw up and I fight for it tooth and nail. Eventhough everyday I am alive, if I am alive, is a waking hell without you by my side, I want it, I wanna honor it, because all it means is I loved you so fucking much beyond anything. I wanna be there at the end of the day, the one constant in your life that you know no matter what, we always got each other. Everyone on earth can die and we would still have each other. We can run away together or we could go homeless together. I want to do it with you. I want to prioritize, protect and have you be my pride and joy. I need you. I need to need you, and I want to need you too, I am excited I need you. I'm excited to be nothing without you.

If I am like this, is it too much to ask that someone is like this for me too? Where are you my love? I would do anything for you, this pain without you is so overwhelming, and I don't even know you yet. Something feels so so wrong. I need you, I need to love you.