I [21F] agreed to hookup with this guy [23M], after being sexually inactive for a very long time. I've had a history of SA and I told him about it all and he was very understanding and assured me that he'll take care that I'm comfortable. We met, he got me flowers, was incredibly sweet and complimented me. When we reached his place he started making moves at me in the lift, understandably so. I suddenly developed some sort of an ick, cause he was wayyy too close to me and I was afraid if I looked at him, he'll kiss me. I felt guilty for feeling that way, because I had agreed to hookup.

When we got in his room, I was sitting on his bed, visibly shivering due to anxiety and avoiding eye contact . I had completely lost my voice. I felt like I could've taken some time to settle down, relax and verbally reconfirm if I want to go ahead with this, but instead he starts explaining me all the safety rules, tells me I'll be fine and then asked me if he could kiss me. I said yes, even though I did not want to, because he's been nothing but nice to me. But I felt that he should've given me some time and he rushed into making out with me.

The thing that rung a red alarm for me was the fact that I had conveyed it to him earlier that I won't go down on him without a condom, but soon after kissing and undressing me, he begins to shove my head onto his bare penis and I had to stop him and ask him to wear a condom, which he does in a seemingly disappointed manner, and well I felt guilty about the same. All throughout the sex my anxiety did not get better and I started disassociating. At some points my body even despised his touch, but I just couldn't vocalize it. At one point we stopped having sex because of my condition and he helped calm down and then asked again if we could try having sex. I felt bad for denying it and told him that I could just go down on him if he wants to which he rejected it saying it's not worth it, it takes a lot of time for him to cum with a condom on.

Did he at any point guilt trip me into giving him a raw head or made me have sex when I wasn't ready? Was it coercion or is it a me problem?