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Yesterday I was out with a small group of trans women, I have a super-clocky voice (despite spending $2,600 on voice training) but the server called me “sweetie.” At the other end of the table, a girl who looks very femme, and FWIW has had bottom surgery, but talks in a (fairly androgynous) masculine voice, as she says it doesn’t make her dysphoric, got called “sir” and things went downhill from there.
Why are so many trans women so self-centered? If you want other women to relate to you as such, try speaking the way they expect; they don’t care about gender-expansiveness. The minute we step out our front door we engage in activities whose value be might not fully buy, stop acting like gender presentation is any different.
The waiter was wrong because your friend is clearly presenting female. I get it if their voice sounds masculine and instinctively they’d assume they’re make; but even Cis women have a deep voice sometimes.
If your friend is walking around feminine, dress, breast, and vagina and still gets called sir it’s an anomaly. If anything the server could’ve stayed neutral.
It is, and you certainly do make a good point. But let’s look at this in a lens to common sense.
If someone was to call someone that looks very feminine “ma’am” and 90% they read feminine, it makes sense they’d be in the right. Maybe at the end that person indeed isn’t a woman, and that person missed that 10% masculinity part; and of course, they should correct themselves. But nobody is going to fault them for using logical deduction.
The waiter seen her friend as 90% feminine, but instead chose to focus on the 10%, her voice. Good on the waiter not assuming; but bad because he went the complete opposite direction and assumed on the other end (or for all we know did it on purpose and was a bigot). The best thing he could’ve done is keep it neutral; and if he had to choose go femine as the person (according to OP) registered as female until they spoke.
I’ll meet you halfway and say 50%.
I’d sooner mistake a silent butch lesbian as a trans man, than a feminine trans woman with a deep voice as a man. If that makes any sense.
In other words, I take in the way a person’s dressed to represent their gender. It’s not perfect but 90% of the time it is; and in this case it would very much have been if the waiter used common sense.
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Agreed. OPs behavior is self defeating.
Also, thanks. I learned a new word today