I recently asked one of my friends the simple question “Do you see me as a man?“ (I'm FTM, been on T for 6 years, stealth) because of a few things she said lately that made me question how she really perceives me (we've known each other for 8 years, give or take). Instead of answering, she started becoming defensive and asking me “where is this coming from“. I then told her, you know it's just a simple question and she said she needed contexts to understand. I told her that she doesn't, she either does or she doesn't, you know? And then she sent me this: “I think you’re looking for validation of something that is a social construct to begin with and this is probably something that a text message conversation won’t do justice to.“

I didn't answer because I wasn't looking for a debate, it was a simple yes or no question and it felt condescendent. I have been out as a guy for 6 years now, I am not looking for validation. I feel confident about my gender identity but the simple fact that she wouldn't answer tells me that no, she doesn't see me as a man. Just to see if it was an easy question to answer, I asked 5 different friends this exact question after and all of them answered me “Yes, why?“. But I think that what bothers me is that even if I was looking for validation or whatnot, it would just be the nice/right thing to say yes to someone you consider a friend because they might be feeling down at the moment (I wasn't, but yeah).

Reasons that led me to asking her this question: 1) she always complains about men to me. A few weeks ago I sent her a video and she just replied “men are cretins“. The video wasn't even about men, he social construct that she seems to be all about now 2) we talked on the phone and she asked out of nowhere “since you're biologically female..“, which was unwarranted. I know I am trans but unless I bring the subject, it's not welcomed. I never talk about trans stuff with people in general. 3) I once sent her a photo because I was pretty proud of my progress at the gym and she was like please don't send me shirtless pics (I've had top surgery and I sent it to other friends as well and she was the only one who said something like that).

I decided that I couldn't keep being friends with someone who doesn't want to acknowledge me as a man. Am I overreacting?