why cant i just die... i dont have a future. my brain doesnt work and now even my body wont cooperate with me. i cant sleep without drinking lots of meds and i cant do anything when im awake. just standing or sitting makes me dizzy and im always afraid of tripping or dropping something. i cant breathe properly, my heart wont slow down or beat softer. ive been feeling like dying for months now, why wont i die. i dont have a future. im totally useless to society, my family and friends. im better off dead and i know it and it pains me every day to exist. having autism and no real feeling of satisfaction or connection or enjoyment is a curse. theres no meaning or point to me being alive. just kill me now, please