i started using heroin about 7-8 years ago. it left me speechless, not entirely because of the high. but because after literal years of constantly being on different psych meds that i never should have been on, sending me directly into the darkest pit of despair of which i truly don’t feel my mind in its natural state could have ever conceived.. i felt relief. TRUE relief. those years of which i was doing H i look back on very longingly.. i had a consistent job, i was excelling at russian ballet, i finally got my high school diploma, i was more artistically creative then ever. but then my dealer (who got all his shit from the web) decided to start lacing my shit with fent without my knowledge. it all gets kind of fucked from this point because the fent and benzo dope scene took over in my area. im clueless when it comes to the internet like seriously daft, so when buddy would show me the sites etc i never really paid attention to what i was buying. i’ve just been in this state of missing my first love (h) who got taken away from me. mind you my first and only true love did get ripped away from me only because of fentanyl. fuck i despise it. this is the cruelest reality.