I’m a 18 year old male and I had a pretty good childhood I’d say nothing really traumatic but I just have some bad habits I guess.Right now I’m in a state where thinking about misfortune happening to me is kind of like funny or I want it to happen I’d say.like thinking about what if I fail my drug test for court watch i get like happy and want it to happen I’ll think of my truck breaking down and get all happy and hope it breaks down but coming with that has it’s cons.For example it can take just someone talking to me to make me mad to the point where I’m twitching and just thinking really violent and bad stuff about them and that also would make me happy also the consequences that comes with hurting that person it’s not just friends it’s family th people closest and the last real thing is I’ve had this feeling in my head that something just isn’t right like it’s an actual kinda physical feeling in my head and I use to be calm I’d get applauded on how I handled certain situations and I know it looks like I’m rambling but I live in Mississippi so down here we are just to bbe strong southern men and I feel like i fit that stereotype but like all these other threads end I feel like ending it all is my best bet my head isn’t right I’ve tried to tell my mom grandma dad but nobody listens and death is the only thought that brings mme peace knowing all of this is going bad my head is fucked up and other stuff you probably dont care to read but just knowing all it takes is a walk to my truck and teo actions and I’ll have eternal peace