Hi I (19F) believe I am beginning to become addicted to pornography. I know there’s probably a million posts like this out there but I never see a girl/woman posting them. So here I am.

I think I should start by saying that I have major depressive disorder and possibly autism (not officially diagnosed but identify with many symptoms). I do hyper-fixate on things, usually until a point of burnout. My point here is that it is possible this pornography addiction is just another hyper fixation. But another thing I should bring up is my exposure to explicit sexual content at a very young age.

I started watching pornography around 9 or 10 years old. The thought of that now makes me want to cry because it seems I was doomed from the start with this. I even have a foggy memory of me around 6 or 7 years old finding my dad’s pornography on the family computer. Thankfully, my mom found me and got rid of it. I’m horrified looking back.

So either I’m strapped with another hyper fixation or I was just exposed too soon to sex. Or both.

Nowadays, I get bored of almost everything I do and opt for watching porn to occupy my time. I think it’s because porn is shocking to my brain, seeing something that’s deemed taboo. Not necessarily the sex itself, but seeing it on film, finding increasingly shocking things to watch on sites like Reddit and PornHub.

I should also mention that I have a therapist, a great one. But I’m afraid of how she’ll look at me if I tell her this. Maybe I should just show her this post for starters. Is there anything else I can do in addition to abstaining from porn?

I don’t really have any friends, and like I said, I get bored of doing most things pretty quickly. I want to work on that as well but it takes perseverance which I’m not used to. Anything constructive/not creepy will help. Thanks.