I’ve been trying to keep my mind off her but somehow it always wanders back. The easiest way that I’ve tried to cope with what happened is just pretending that it was all a dream. I don’t speak about her because it just makes me sad and somehow I’ve found that writing one of these daily helps me pour out my thoughts of her so that I can keep the rest at bay for the remainder of the day. Nights aren’t that bad because I can fall asleep just fine. But waking up every morning and remembering that it’s reality is pretty hard. I’d want for her to reach out and talk to me but I know that would only make it worse. I’m so lost and I keep telling myself to use my energy productively but I lack the motivation. “Go get into amazing shape so she’ll get jealous and regret it”. But I know deep down she won’t and I just want to know if it’s as hard on her as it is on me. 5 years and it’s all gone. She asked that day if I wanted to talk about it more but I figured what’s the point of you telling me why you don’t want to be with me anymore. Would the outcome have changed? No. I am envious of those that have someone, confidence in myself has plummeted and these days I’m left feeling as if I’m not good enough.