I don't know how to love... I don't really know how to process any emotion properly. They're like a box of fire; exploding or smothered.

This being said I'm pretty sure I love her...

She's 7 years older than me, she's funny, driven, and brave beyond measure. Why do I think she'll settle for a 30 year old loser like me. No previous relationship, questionable virginity, and no self esteem to speak of.

And yet, she got close to me, close enough to make me believe that I wasn't how I see myself. But alas, she had an issue with the age gap and it never became anything.

I tried moving on and though I had... But then I head she's seeing someone... younger than me.

I'm crushed, I feel sick, worthless, and alone.

She doesn't need to explain herself to me. I am not entitled to have her answer my questions and I only want the best for her.

I just want to tell her I'm in love with her.

I started this by saying I don't know how to love, and I think that is true...

But I know I love her. The one who doesn't love me.