I give up, what even for, all of this, all of it. Daughter died, the girl I loved decided that cheating was the best option, multiple times. I give and give. I am broken and betrayed, lost and lied to. And I'm at my capacity, I can't take this existence any more.

Will I do something dumb, no I won't, I have a son and he needs me but I'm stuck and life keeps beating me down, I keep beating me down and I am lost.

All I loved betrayed me, those who proclaimed they never would, where, even as they proclaimed they wouldn't did. Laughed at, gas lit, used and walked on, made to be the fool. I have been disregarded and torn apart.

Was I perfect, no. Was I ideal, no, did they have me out of my mind , yes. Didn't they look in my face and smile while betraying me, yes. What did I do,.nothing, why because I try and be bigger, try and be reasonable, try and be better. What did I get for it, this, all of this.

And now I'm lost, now I'm alone, now I cry out inside and out, now I.........

While I do something stupid, no I won't, ever never ever. But I have to expel this, let it out, scream it to the world!.

I am done, I can't do this anymore, I am lost, and I ask..what even for?