Long story short, I (34nb) lived a very emotionally intense relationship with a man for 6 months before he just...left. He said he couldn't handle how much he loved me and literally left to go stay with a friend for an indeterminate amount of time all the way to Switzerland and I never heard from him again. I know it was only 6 months, I don't want to get into the validity of what I felt during that time. I've been in multiple different type of relationships over the years, please just trust me that this one was unique and I experienced it very differently than any other person I have been with.

It's been 6 months and I'm losing my will to live (not literally). The pain just hasn't stopped. I think about him ever day. I cry about it every day. I finished my thesis and thought about him. I went to my best friend's wedding and thought about him. My sister announced her pregnancy and I thought about him. I avoid places we've been together and I think about him. I've deleted all his info, all photos, all messages across all platforms and STILL I think about him. I fear going to sleep because I dream about him all the time. My life goes on but there's this undercurrent of sadness that creeps up on me suddenly and makes it hard to breathe. I hate this. I am a very rational person and this situation makes me feel incredibly detached from reality and myself. I've discussed this with my therapist and we've talked it through a million ways: is it a response to trauma? Am I projecting? Are there attachment issues at play?

I've tried to mourn. I've written him letters that I haven't sent. I've made art about it. I've embraced the feelings. I've tried to let them go. Why does it feel like I'm being haunted?

This is compounded by the fact that I feel like I can't talk to people in my circle about it because it was a short relationship and it's been six months so WHY would I still be talking about it? In all honesty, I would probably also become frustrated with a friend in a similar situation. I'm actually already clearly very frustrated with myself. Frustrated and alone.

Will this ever go away? Am I actually unhinged and haven't come to terms with it?