Remember how you hated when I would fold the corner of the page where I stopped reading? I found myself not doing that anymore. I now use a bookmark I made that I painted in your favorite color. I was so excited to tell you about that, only to realize that I can't anymore. I've been having the need to call you "my love" one more time. My heart keeps searching for its home only to find nothing but pain. I miss you so much my body aches. The days are fine, I'm occupied with my job. The afternoons are ok, I can entertain myself with whatever. But the nights? The nights are brutal. I keep trying to burn my eyes looking at my phone, trying to distract myself from thinking about your angelic face, about how we shared awesome moments, about how happy I felt being yours, about the plans we had for the future. I'm sorry I couldn't love myself enough to give you what you wanted. I'm sorry that I couldn't be enough for you. I'm so sorry that in my ignorance I made you feel trapped. I wish I could hate you but I can't. Every thought of hatred quickly turns into sadness. I wish you knew how much I need you. I wish you knew how much I love you. I wish you knew that I will never stop loving you.