She was an extravert and I was an introvert. She had adhd and I think I had ocd. She would hang out and go for drinks like a hurricane when things are bad while I would close myself to the world. We had been texting for 6 months, more like sexting. We should have never met each other, but we did.

This little thief showed up out of nowhere and saw the mess I was, but she put her soft hands on my stone heart and magically changed it into gold. She successfully broke all my defenses and appeased me as she was slowly stealing my heart in secret. She made me open up, she's the only one that knows who I am, she knows my patterns, my thoughts to the point I can't even lie to her when I have a bad day. To this day I still can't understand how she's done that.

We were obsessed with each other, and I made her feel loved and safe with me. She had attention problems and she would sometimes be hyperactive and frustrated but I was always able to calm her down and soothe her.

But she was on her late 20s, and she wasn't actually ready for a long distance/online relationship, she was afraid of leaving her family and friends, and she needs to find an actual husband she can marry and have kids with. We tried to stop multiple times but we would always fall for each other. We tried to be friends and we were both struggling, but I stayed strong for her even though she was avoiding me. I wanted to always be there for her even when she rejects me. She told me she wanted to give her ex a second chance, which I took as a hint for letting go. I'm happy because rejection breaks her and thus she needed to be the one that rejects me. But fuck, it hurts. She was my only healthy obsession, and now it feels like everything was a summer dream. Now that she's gone I feel empty, and I can't sleep. I block her and unblock her often even though we're not texting each other, and I want her back because she still has my heart in her soft hands and I need it to live.

My life is better than it was, but I'm sure I can never find a girl like her again. She was so cute, clingy, I loved her voice, her personality, the way she whimpers and yawn when she is sleepy, and the way she randomly falls asleep. I would walk on my hands to her place just to listen to her imitating the scottish accent. I miss her. How should I cope with that? Should I message her? I don't want to interfere with her life, she's the one that can succeed out of us two.