I’ve been so angry that you would do this to me. That you would break me like this and put me through the trauma of being abused again. You hurt me. My skin. My bones. My heart. My soul. I let you in and I trusted you.

I want to ruin you, just like you ruined me. I want you to hurt. I want you on the floor gasping for air just like I was. I want you to cry and wonder why this happened to you. Because under all my anger that’s where I am; crying, alone in the dark, wondering how you could do this to me; wishing that things could rewind.. wishing that it never happened.. and that I could go back to when you made me feel safe.. and loved..

But I can’t and I hate you for it. It’s been 3 months and it still makes me sick. You make me sick. I hate you. I miss you. I hate myself for missing you. It’s 3:33 am and yet again I’m just up late thinking about you even though you’ve already moved on and replaced me with many others. Why am I like this? I can’t take it anymore.