I once dated a guy, and i fell hard. We were friends first. I'm trans, so after 4 weeks i broke up because of, what i now know as, gender dysphoria. 4 weeks of dating, that's it. This was 4/5 years ago. And I'm still hung up on the could have been. We had an age gap of 5 years, and I'm his age when we met now. And I'm so much like him back then. I like the same stuff as he did at this age, have the same interests, behavioral traits. But it all doesn't matter because 1, it's been 5 god damn years, get over it already. And 2, he's dead. I already was not able to let go for some unknown reason, but since he died it's just gotten worse. Because i feel like he was my right person, but at such a bad time. If we met now, both the same age, things could have been so different. But it doesn't matter, because things aren't like that, and never will be like that.

I don't think about him often anymore, thank god. But when i do, my heart still hurts so much. Why? I feel insane for still hurting 5 years after dating only a month. Any tips?