He loved the 4th of July. Two of his favorite things, fireworks (blowing shit up) and drinking. If family was there too, well it didn't get any better than that.

This Thanksgiving it will be 9 years since he drank himself to death. Our family has splintered so much since then. He was the glue that kept us together. He was hilarious and kind, and he loved us so much. He'd be so angry at us, to see how we've fractured. He was a brilliant artist, but never pursued it professionally.

I was an only child & he was the youngest of three. He was my annoying big brother and I was his pesky little sister (8 years apart). He'd hide the remote so I couldn't watch cartoons, but later still let me sit with him in his room and draw with him. Or watch his play video games for hours (he tried to get me to play, I was too shy).

I want one more big rough hug & "Love you, Mandatory. I'm always here for you."

It's better most if the time, but about 4-6 times a year I have a day like today. It feels like it just happened & I want him back so badly.