So i dont usually do this type of stuff but i dont have anyone to really speak to about this stuff so here i go ... March 2nd 2023 i received a message saying that my bestfriend of going on 15 years passed away suddenly in her sleep .. I dont really have alot of people that truly and genuinely love and care for me the way i do for them including family. So, needless to say she was literally my only comfort and go to person for everything. We considered each other family, no matter how much time would passed by that we didnt talk (which was really only months at a time because obviously we are adults and live our own lives) at the end of the day if one of us needed one another we could always count on each other to be there. I dont think ive even tried to actually process the fact that my other half is no longer here. When I first got the news the first couple of months all i could think to myself was "Would she be feeling the hurt, the physical pain I feel?" or "I wonder if she would be feeling the crippling pain that literally makes me not get out bed for this long??" "Am i being over dramatic??" Idk if that makes me sound selfish or not but these were my thoughts.. I still feel all those emotions they have just become a tiny bit more easy to manage on a daily basis. My birthday is coming up and this will be the first time in 15 years she wont be here for.. She always made my day special even if we didnt see each other lol. Everyone always says times heals and it gets better but in my opinion the pain just gets deeper with everyday that passes... I just miss my bestfriend so much idk how to handle it. I atleast hope im making her proud and I truly feel her presence still everyday.. Its the only thing that brings me any type of comfort and peace.. So yea thanks for letting me rant lol Appreciate it