My sweet, precious baby passed away a little over 24 hours ago. It seems like people just don’t care.

My friends do, my mother does, but apart from them no one seems to have any empathy whatsoever. My father just told me “You’re such a strong person, I cannot believe you cried this much. It happened, what can you do now”. I’ve always known he’s not a man that has any sort of EQ but he said that literally 10 minutes after she died.

My boss called me and said, “There’s a lot of important stuff going on, I need you to clear your head and work with the team to get things done. You took a day, how much longer do you need?”

How the hell am I supposed to quantify something like that. And I cannot hear another “It will get better with time” - I don’t care, I don’t want it to get better. I don’t want it to get easier to deal with, I just want her to be alive.

She was like a child to me. She was the sweetest and most cuddly creature. She never left me alone. She comforted me when I was upset, she would sleep for hours on me whenever I would lay down. She would come running to the door when she heard me coming home and would excitedly brush up against me. She would sit and watch over me when I ate dinner. She had the purest, deepest, most unconditional love for me, no matter what. Even when she did something that caused me to scold her, she wouldn’t take it to heart.

She died in my arms, and I can never ever forget that. The feeling of her going limp, her pain, her suffering, all of it is playing on a loop in my mind.

I can’t sleep, I’m constantly nauseous, I’m angry that she got taken at such a young age, I miss everything about her. And I want to scream at and kick every person that’s expecting me to be ‘back to normal’. Do they even understand that it can never be normal again?

‘It’s just a cat, you can get another one’ - that’s what someone said to me last night and I have never been more angry in my life. I’ve never wanted to actually hurt someone more than I wanted to last night. I cannot even put into words how much I love her and how much I’m going to miss her, and I don’t have the patience or energy to deal with insensitive a**holes right now.

I’ve dealt with death and loss before, this is far beyond that. When she went, a part of me went with her. I will never be whole again.