I lost a close friend about a month ago and after taking a few weeks to grieve, I feel like I've subconsciously buried everything so that I can try to move forward. I never got the chance to say goodbye and I'm tired of crying and feeling so physically ill all day. Last night I had a dream about him and it was probably the most sensical and vivid dream I've ever had.

It started off with us sitting together and talking and laughing like we used to but it felt wrong, I knew that me and him shouldn't have been able to have that conversation but I couldn't think of why it felt so strange to see him in front of me. In that moment, I forgot about everything that had happened, I forgot that he was dead. At the end of our conversation, I asked him if I could give him a hug to which he responded enthusiastically "yeah of course", and although i still had no idea why it hurt so much to be saying goodbye after the chat we just had, I told him that i missed him a lot and started crying. He started crying, said he missed me too and then he tried to comfort me by slowly singing a faintly familiar song through his sobs.

And then i woke up.

I woke up already crying with tears on the pillow, and a massive wave of grief shot through my body as I realized what had just happened. He was just there, right in front of me, and then I was awake and he was gone again. I wanted so badly to go back to sleep and see him again but I couldn't, I was having a breakdown at this point.

I'm not religious or spiritual in any way but I want to believe that he was visiting me to say goodbye or maybe just to check in to make sure I was doing ok. I also think that the song he sang might've been one that played at his funeral. It was so painful to have to wake up and remember that my friend isn't here anymore, maybe on the same level as when I first heard the news. Even if I have to go through all of that again, I hope I get to dream about him again sometime.