I am wanting to get some feedback on an article I am working on that is intended for the general BDSM community. Obviously having a Gorean background I am drawing from The Natural Order.

Edited 12/27/24

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A bit of house cleaning. For those that do not know me, my background is primarily from the Gorean community. As such, some of this will reflect upon Gorean traditions. If you happen to be thinking, "Great! We got another idiot trying to drag Gorean culture where it don't belong!" I wouldn't blame you. However I would ask you to consider. If a Gorean tells you that is it raining outside, but you do not want to hear the opinion of a Gorean? Its still going to be raining outside. The subject I will be speaking on is universal. It is only that my reference point of viewing this subject is through the Gorean lens.

While these protocols will be described in an online setting, they still hold true in the real world by adjusting a few words to match the environment. Cultural protocols, community rules, these are much like civic law. If you get a speeding ticket, you can try to fight it in court, or wait seven years praying you don't get pulled over. There are loopholes to these rules. These protocols however are more like physical law. In Gor we refer to such as The Natural Order. Cause and effect. If you stick your bare hand into a pot of boiling oil, there are no loopholes!

I feel this is an important understanding for all slaves and submissives. Following these protocols will help guide you to remain protected, and will assist the community at large in helping to prevent unneeded drama. I can not emphasize this enough. The death of many a community is when dominants can not get along because the slaves have been the source of unneeded drama. For the sake of not having to say slave and submissive every time, I will simply say slave but I am meaning submissive as well.

=== Why Protocols Are Needed:

The common failure of a slave is their need to please everyone, yet in doing so they disappoint everyone. When in a situation where they are expected to chose who to serve, or to serve many? Who do they serve? How long do they each one? Who do they answer to when they have conflicting commands? Having protocols to follow helps a slave guide them self through these issues.

A story of one poor slave serving in a Gorean tavern. To add some context to this, Gorean Taverns are often the primary social gathering place for masters. It used to be that the free person hosting an event would commonly have slaves directly in their service to go around and attend to those that did not have slaves serving them. This way those free people that were alone did not feel left out. The rest of the slaves would either sit off to the side until they were called upon or place them self "In Service To" the free person they desired to be with. Somewhere along the line this concept got lost. Now days, regardless of it being an event or not, all slaves give what I consider to be short order waitress service. Everyone gets served, but no one gets any real attention paid to them. Yet taverns remain to be a cultural gathering place. This change in cultural protocol has been a source of confusion for slave and free alike.

I was among four masters present, and it was customary in that particular tavern for the slaves to serve each master. Yet as you will see, the customary rule was wrong for the situation. The thing was, she was already all hot and heavy with one master off in a corner and no other slaves were available, Meanwhile the three of us gathered and got into in a conversation minding our own business. Yet, the rule was, she needed to serve all the masters. So she stopped wiggling her ass in one masters lap to interrupt our conversion to serve us all drinks in role play.

IM'ing me, she did as she was expected by the tavern rules, but she could not understand why all four of us were angry with her. I told her to wait, stepped outside, had a cigarette and cleared my mind.

Coming back I addressed her, "Look, you had a choice..."

"... you can follow the rules, resulting in one master having blue balls and interrupting three masters who were more than content in their conversation to give them half assed short order waitress service ..."

"... OR!!!!..."

"... you could ignore the rules, making ONE master VERY happy, and make the other three masters wish they were him!"

It was customary for us to be gathered there regardless of others engaged intimacy as exhibitionism is common in Gorean taverns. None of us specifically called upon her for service. So technically she followed the rules of the location, but did not follow the rules of the protocols I will be describing. And yes, these protocols will address how to manage among such rules. As a slave, you have to learn how to read the room. Sometimes the community rules are more like guidelines. Even within these protocols, there are options depending on the situation. Awareness of your environment is paramount!

I find it important to not simply give these rules and demand slaves follow them. For these rules to really work, the slave has to understand why they work. What their purpose is, what are the consequence when you are forced to break these protocols. Why are there even reasons to break the protocols, and sometimes it is even favorable to break these protocols. But first, you have to understand they exist! Again, it is all about cause and effect.

=== Understanding Dominant Behavior:

I would like to say that dominants that are seeking are predators, however it would be more polite to say that such dominants are primal hunters. When dominants are seeking a new slave or additional slaves, they are on the hunt and you are the prey. The real question is, does the dominant have any sense of honor? If so, what codes of honor do they follow? BDSM is full of many different subcultures and not all of them agree on what is considered to be honorable. Just understand that dominants are using their own personal code of honor to restrain strong primal instincts.

Now one thing that may confuse many slaves is which dominants are actually friends among one another? When are they being aggressive towards one another? This is doubly so when dealing with male dominants. If you see two men cussing up a storm and insulting one another left and right, more than likely they are best of friends. Only friends trust one another enough to be insulting to each other in public. Counter intuitive right?

Now if you see two dominants being extra polite to one another? Be on your toes! This is when things actually get dangerous for the slave as they will often become a pawn. There will often be hidden insults within the platitudes of politeness, and either of them might try to get you to agree with what they are saying. Again, you are the pawn, the one you agree with has outsmarted the other dominant. Or worse yet, one might command you to do something seemingly minor, and again you are the pawn. Who did you obey?

There is no polite way of telling what the truth is. Dominants who are on the hunt are in competition with all other dominants. Some have honor and only hunt the slaves that are seeking a master, or those that serve the many. Others are not honorable and will hunt whoever they find desirable. Thus, even privately owned slaves should understand these things.

Yet another thing to understand is that dominants have a pecking order, to which they may or may not abide by. Is the dominant hosting an event? Does the dominant consider the current location their home, or the center of their own community? Are they a visitor? Are they of certain standing within a community? Dominants are constantly trying to avoid (or intentionally try to) step on each others toes.

You may be a private slave, a kennel slave to a house or city, or a slave seeking a dominant, when you find yourself sitting with one dominant and another dominant calls you to them. In a high protocol setting you might not be able to say no, or even in a low protocol setting where you can say no, how often does a slave actually say no? Do you simply rush to the one that just called you? Did they have valid authority to be calling you away from another dominant? Many slaves will leave it up to the dominants to sort it out. But this is like giving two wolves a piece of meat and telling them to sort it out! This is where slaves unwittingly cause unneeded drama within a community. Protocols will address this. Cause and effect!

=== Protocols of Being in Service:

There is a hierarchy to this to understand, and it is of utmost importance to your safety to keep this in your head at all times! There is who you are "In Service Of" and who you are "In Service to." At the top of this list is who ever owns you. This is obvious if you are a private slave, otherwise it might be a house you belong to, or a place that you call home, if no one else, you answer to yourself, you are your own owner. Whoever that is, they are at the top of the hierarchy. You are always "In Service Of" your owner.

How do you place yourself in service? This is your firsts choice. Do you sit off to the side and wait to be called upon? Do you ask the entire room if you can be of service? This is where cultural traditions comes into play. What is expected of you? However I highly encourage that if you see someone you want to be with, do not be afraid to approach them directly and ask if you can be of service to them. Emphasis to be placed on "Ask!" Unless they already have some direct authority over you, do not simply assume and crawl into their lap. Not only do these actions impress the person that you want to be with, it will also signal to all the other dominants that this is the person you truly want to serve. No matter how thick a dominants skull is, they will notice these things.

Next comes what ever location you are currently in. You are "In Service Of" that property owner. This might sound odd to some of you but this will make more sense as we go on. Last, you are "In Service Of" any event or establishment that you are currently in. What this means is, if there is any conflict with a dominant that is not your owner, those are the dominants to turn to for assistance as they hold responsibility for your well being. This is doubly so if you are in a protocol where you are not allowed to say no. Even if you can not say no, you are always allowed to beg someone your are "In Service Of" for assistance. They have the final say!

Then comes when you are with a dominant. When you spend time with a dominant outside of casual passing, you are "In Service To" that dominant. It is not even a matter of if you consider yourself to be "In Service To" them, it is more about if they THINK that you are "In Service To" them. In their mind you are on a scale. On one side is how much they are enjoying your company, on the other side is how much you are disrespecting them. Just happenstance of life, you are almost never going to be perfect and you will be disrespecting them in some small way.

This is your second choice! Do you want them to go away? Or do you want them to stay? This is a list of some of the more common ways to show disrespect. You will find that we can be extremely picky! This is simply a small sample of the most common disrespects. The choice is yours:

While you are "In Service To": The inability to speak a sentence longer than three words. Spending a lot of time in IM's with someone else. Wanting to spend a lot of time in IM with them while not at their side. Intentionally putting them into direct competition with another dominant. Obeying the command of another dominant without first asking permission. Leaving without asking permission or at least telling them goodbye. Doubly disrespectful if you leave them to go to a different dominant, even if it is your personal master. If not asking permission to leave before hand, at least have the courtesy of telling them goodbye.

Eventually it will happen, you will be "In Service To" one dominant and another dominant commands you to come to them. There is a lot to unpack on this one singular event with many different variables. We begin with you being "In Service To" a dominant not of the hierarchy. Meaning, not your owner, not the property owner, not the event coordinator. If the one calling you away is of the hierarchy, if you really want to impress them then you would explain you are being summoned by someone of authority and ask permission to leave. Otherwise you would simply inform them that you are being summoned by whoever of authority, "My owner", "The Administrator", "The Event Coordinator."

Now if it is just another dominant that is commanding you to them, the absolute worst thing to do is have the attitude that you will simply obey and let the dominants sort it out for you. You just threw a single piece of meat to two wolves and told them to sort it out. Keep in mind, you will not be the focus of their frustration. Two bucks in the wild locking horns are not going to blame the doe that they are locking horns. However, the doe is the reason they are locking horns. The focus of their frustration will be each other.

While you are not to blame, you are the catalyst, you are the cause of unneeded drama in the community. Also you have brought dishonor to your owner as you have proved to everyone that they have failed to train you. Additionally, if the one you were serving is a newcomer, they will think that this is common practice and think poorly of that place. You have brought dishonor to your entire community! Just as the stags will not blame the doe, you will not be blamed. Their focus of frustration will be each other, but you are the cause!

This is yet another choice, which one do you want to spend time with? Yes, you will disappoint one of them, however more importantly can you do so without disrespecting them? If you want to remain with the one you are serving, you simply explain "I am in service to this dominant." This is not the same thing as saying no. If you want to move to the other dominant, then you would ask the one you serving for permission to accept the other invitation. It is understood among the dominants that a slave might have other suitors, or might have someone particular they wish to be with. Any dominant that does not abide by these customs will most often find them self slammed with the ban hammer!

These rules still pretty much hold true to those of the hierarchy. You might ask your owner in advance their preference. Some may not want the hassle of dealing with idiots, others might enjoy the opportunity to tell the other dominant "NO!" A good discussion for a slave to be asking their owner.

"What if I enjoy having two dominants fight over me?" That is a valid argument. Just as a doe will enjoy watching two stags locking horns, many a slave will have a primal urge to want to see two dominants via for control. There is a saying however, "If you want to act like an animal, expect to be treated like an animal!" But some slaves enjoy that kind of degradation. To each their own. However take care to remain respectful to the looser so as to not bring shame to your community at large. Do not be the source of dishonor! Just don't be surprised if either, or both of them walks away because you are not worth the hassle.

"What about poly with multiple dominants?" On that, I can not speak first hand as that simply is not my cup of tea. Typically however there will be one dominant that is in charge. The alpha dominant of a group, your owner, the one you trust the most, someone that you can rely on to keep things from getting out of control. Always have that one person who is your anchor. Be mindful that you are not dragging in people that are not interested in poly. Again, avoid potential sources of drama.

"Aren't you placing all the blame on the slaves?" It is not so much about blame or responsibility as it is about practicality. If you have the cat herding skills to teach dominants to stop having pissing contests, more power to you! Again, looking at the example of one dominant commanding you to them while "In Service To" another dominant without a valid reason. If you obey without following protocol, are you not rewarding them for rude behavior? Your actions actions are the best way to teach dominants a sense of decorum.

Dominants also have our own set of rules to follow. However it is more complicated as the rules are not so simple, and not everyone agrees to what these rules are, or if they even bother to abide by them. Some hunt by chasing, others lay traps. Others yet might pick on the scraps left by others, or even try to steal someone else's prey. Make no mistake, all dominants are primal hunters and you are the prey.

=== Additional Information:

Beyond the core protocols I will offer my personal preferences on this subject as some might find it useful. I will have three basic protocols for my slave to follow:

1) If we are among friends, relax, have fun, be yourself!

2) If strangers are coming around, adopt the local protocols of the environment we are in.

3) If there is trouble, keep quiet. If anyone addresses you, publicly refer to me first before anything else.

Just as the old saying goes, if you try to please everyone you loose your ass!