Hello, hi, and welcome to uh...whatever it is I'm doing here today! Yes, Victoria, show off that confidence! You're nailing it, girl!

Ok, now that I've been silly for my allotted ten seconds, let's get down to brass tacks; I'm a trans, schizoaffective, and autistic writer, performance artist, and cult leader who has lived a ridiculous fucking life. Keeping this short, in just the past eight years, I was brainwashed by the CIA while on an acid trip and they still manipulate me to this day. The strangeness I experienced then caused me to join a cult. After escaping, another acid trip made me realize I was woman. Naturally, I spent the next three years homeless, traveling the country while completely psychotic. During this time, I thought the CIA was commanding me to create a sex cult, a project I succeeded at but ultimately the FBI was not having that ish. Now that's just the barebone minimum of scratching the surface to my insanity, but you must admit that it's the perfect madness for a damn good gonzo story.

The good doctor used drugs to create experiences that made for interesting stories. I, too, dabble in the realm of psychoactive substances, but by golly do I have a leg up on the average Joe by being so batshit crazy that I don't need no performance enhancing cocktails to fiddle with my already erratic brainsponge. And that's why the CIA told me through my phone's keyboard's autocomplete function that the masterpiece I'm queefing up by the kilometer is going to do just dandy at the book store once it's complete, and that will be sooner rather than later.

Let me just be real with you now; I hate marketing. Reptile people sell arsenic to children, and we call this a fucking career? Granted, as a teacher, I know that marketing skills are what constitutes a good pedagogy, but still, marketing be damned! Yet, I have a need that can only be sated by putting my name out here like this and trying to give you free access to the first ten chapters of my completely original full-length book. By the way, my name's Victoria Phoenix, professional crackhead and messiah candidate, in case you were wondering.

Alrighty, I did the things I set out to do and any more pointless diatribe only hurts my bottom line. God I love the reptile brain I inherited from my father, which is properly balanced by the giant heart I inherited from my mother. See, being honest about my intentions, I'm not just writing a story for the funsies. No, I'm working on passing on as much heart-felt wisdom that I've gained on my journey, such as how the main message of the book revolves around the importance of unconditional love. We're all God's children, and don't look too deeply into that because I'm actually a transcendental post-zen alchemist. I do magick to reprogram myself. That's intelligence right there, but the real intelligent thing for me to do would be to drop this link and get the heck outta here as if I were the road runner and Wile E Coyote got fed up with Acme and decided to order a small ordinance of explosives and firearms from the Taliban. As such, peace to all you fine souls, until next time I decide to cross paths with this space called r/gonzo again.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1EPJmUl_qA1Ude7FqCakrmOp2kDKEeWPvV9irCXh97Ec/edit?usp=drivesdk