This is a long one, sorry! I didn’t think it would end up so long but I hope you like reading it!

I grew up very sheltered. My parents were not risk-takers by nature and they did everything they could to keep my world as beige as possible. I had an 8pm curfew even when I was 18 and boyfriends were an absolute no-go. I had no idea how boys worked and instead of teaching me how to look after myself in the social world, my parents thought it best to simply remove me from it.

When I was 19 I had had enough. I had left education at 18 and taken a nice, stable office job but left that - and home - to be a live-in barmaid nearly 200 miles away. My parents spent days trying to talk me out of it but my mind was made up and I boarded the coach for the trip into the unknown.

I was met off of the coach by a woman called Jenny who was a couple of years older than me and had this infectious, bubbly way. She was Northern and with me being from the South of England, she took it upon herself to teach me Northern hospitality. She drove me to the pub where I would be living and introduced me to the crew. In a crew of ten, five (including me) were living on site. An out building had been converted to accommodation and I was quickly told it was their party palace. I was surprised how well I got on with everyone although my social battery drained quite quickly for the first couple of weeks.

Of all the men, I got on best with Hamish. 6’3, Scottish and built like a rugby player, he was 15 years older than me and our head chef. He was funny, charming but very non-threatening. While all the other men in the group were typical lads obsessed with one thing, Hamish was a cuddler but no more. He made me feel safe from the first time I met him and he always had a joke for me. He didn’t live onsite but we could see his flat from our place.

At one point after I had been there for just over a month, the pub was closed for three days for a minor refurb. Being young and with nothing else to do, we used our days off by sleeping through the day and partying through the night. We went into town, went to as many pubs and bars as we could (we joked it was spying on the competition) and drank as much as our bodies could cope with. I was still new to the lifestyle so I couldn’t really take my drink. I was only a couple of drinks in and starting to go a bit loopy. A small group of lads had noticed and started dancing closer and closer to me and I lapped up the attention. Unsurprisingly my wardrobe growing up had been very dour but I was now embracing outfits that showed off more of my slim but curvy frame. These boys had noticed me and were circling in a very unsubtle manner.

As one of them grabbed my hips from behind while dancing, I heard a familiar voice over the music. Hamish asked if I was OK and whether I wanted to go home. I said I was OK but started to stumble and Hamish caught me. I looked up and knew he was right so asked him to take me home. He walked me back and was very patient with me talking non-stop about nothing in particular. My body was giving me messages though and as he got me to the door, I pounced and kissed him. In my mind it was a romantic embrace but I’m pretty sure I jumped up him like an uncoordinated monkey up a very tall tree. He pulled back and said gently that I should get to bed.

I spent the next two weeks fantasising about my saviour and new-found crush. I had seen Hamish as a friend before but now I wanted him. My desires had been awakened and I wanted to cross the last boundary I had.

A couple of weeks later we were planning another night out and, during a lull in shift, Hamish asked if I was going to go steadier this time. I said I definitely was. If he was going to take me home again, I wanted to be sober enough to take advantage of the situation. He looked a bit embarrassed but I winked at him and went to serve a customer.

The night out came, we all had fun and Hamish was walking me home again. I was clinging onto him and being as flirty as possible when he stopped me in the street. He said kindly that he thought I was a very sweet girl and that he didn’t want to take advantage of my innocence. I told him I took the job to lose my innocence and that I was doing the pushing so he wouldn’t be taking advantage at all. He went to say something but couldn’t find the words so I went on tiptoe and invited him to kiss me. He did, gently and tenderly with no tongue. As we pulled back he said that I had given him a lot to think about.

We walked the next ten minutes in almost silence until we got to the path that separated where we lived. I asked Hamish if I could come up, assuring him I wanted to. He paused and eventually said yes.

We went upstairs and I was starting to get nervous. I had never done more than kiss a man and all of that had happened since I took this job. Would he be satisfied by me? What do I do? How do I touch him? Does he take the lead? I soon found out when we stood toe-to-toe and, with a finger under my chin, he gently lifted my gaze to meet his. He said I didn’t have to do this if I didn’t want to so I said I wanted this then (I am cringing about this bit) I put my hand on the front of his jeans and said I want all of this.

This was enough and he leant down to kiss me gently. Gentle turned more energetic as our tongues met and I began to work on instinct. I melted into him as his hands started to explore my body by gently tracing my hips, my sides and my bum. I didn’t know what to do with my hands so I held them awkwardly around his back.

We moved to the bedroom and started to undress. I took my top and jeans off as he removed his shirt. I felt exposed in just my underwear but the way he looked at me made me feel more and more powerful. I was a UK size 8 (US size 4) with firm 32DD breasts then. I was wearing black underwear that wasn’t lingerie but had a nice, lacy trim. If I had the confidence I had now I would know I was rocking it but it took him looking at me with lustful hunger to give me strength. He dropped his jeans and kicked them off so he was only in his boxers and I couldn’t help but stare at his semi-hard outline.

He moved towards me, scooping me up in his arms and laying me on the bed. We kissed as his hands explored me but then he did something I wasn’t expecting. He stopped kissing my mouth and started kissing down my chest, across my breasts and down my stomach. His fingers hooked in the sides of my knickers and he pulled them down my thighs and off. I didn’t know what he was going to do (I was genuinely clueless to all but the most basic of sexual acts) but on instinct spread my legs. He kissed up my thighs which sent tingles to every inch of my body. His fingertips traced circles on my soft, milky-white flesh which only heightened my pleasure. I didn’t know how to ask for more so I sank into the pleasure and let him continue doing what he was doing.

His tongue soon found its way to my virgin pussy. He licked, flicked and sucked at my sensitive area as I grabbed handfuls of bed sheet and tried not to thrash around too much. His tongue work was amazing and, with my orgasm approaching, I couldn’t say more than ‘I...I...I...’ but he knew what I was trying to say. His efforts didn’t slow down and I had my first tongue-induced orgasm. I made all sorts of unsexy noises as I writhed through this amazing feeling and his tongue was still going. He drew out my orgasm for as long as he could but as I came down, I said I wanted his cock.

Quick as a flash his boxers were off and his cock was lined up to my now slightly less virgin pussy. He looked me in the eyes and told me it might hurt but he would be gentle. I bit my lower lip and nodded, giving him the signal to push in. He inched in slowly and I threw my head back in sheer bliss as he turned me from a girl to a woman. I felt no pain, just pleasure as he worked his way in, eventually getting balls-deep into me. He felt huge at the time but looking back he can’t have been more than 6.5” long and average thickness. Big for me then but I know better now!

He kissed me as our bodies touched in the most intimate way. His hips started to gyrate and his cock began sawing in and out of my pussy. I was already close to another orgasm but that didn’t change his tempo, it felt like he wanted to fuck me through as many orgasms as he could. I think I came at least twice as he fucked me but it may have all been one long orgasm. I was floating, almost able to watch my body from above as I discovered joy I never knew was possible. I was brought back to ground by Hamish picking up the pace and saying he was going to cum. I didn’t say anything as he gave the biggest thrusts yet and buried his cock as far into me as he would go. I could feel his cock twitch as he came deep inside me. His breathing was sharp and he kept saying ‘fuck’ over and over, his usually soft Scottish accent sharper now as his orgasm seemed to be endless. He eventually collapsed onto me and we adjusted into a cuddle and drifted to sleep.

A couple of hours later we woke, dressed and kissed goodnight. My head was swimming with questions about my performance: should I have taken my bra off? Was it awkward that I didn’t? Was I good enough? Did he like it? Would he want to do it again? These thoughts swam around my head as I walked home and sank into my own bed. I didn’t know if I had been a good shag but I was so happy to have finally lost my virginity.

A couple of days later I was working a shift and overheard one of the younger lads asking a million questions. He was asking them too quickly to get an answer until he asked what seemed to be the most important one to him: ‘was she a virgin?’ I heard Hamish’s voice reply ‘yes, you owe me £10’.

I had been a bet. I struggled to hold back the tears as I rushed to the staff toilet. I thought he was a nice man, someone I could trust. I had been used and I was so overwhelmed with how hurtful that was.

Jenny found me in the toilets and I told her what was wrong. She smiled and asked if I loved Hamish. I said no. Her response was just what I needed to hear: ‘you wanted sex, you got sex. His intentions don’t matter if you got what you needed.’

I learned from that and learned how to spot the players. Of course that doesn’t mean I can’t be a player myself ;)