I don’t know why I feel the need to write this. Maybe because I’ve never told anyone not like this. It’s a secret, an obsession I’ve kept hidden for years. And now, at 37, it’s only grown stronger. So here it is, I have an almost shameful obsession with cum.

It all started with my first boyfriend. We were young, curious, and one day he asked me, shyly, if I’d try swallowing. It wasn’t an obligation. He never pushed me, but there was something about the way he asked the way he looked at me, almost pleading that made me say yes. I wanted to make him happy, to show him I was willing to explore with him.

The first time… it was strange. The taste caught me off guard salty, musky, slightly bitter. It wasn’t exactly good, but it wasn’t terrible either. But honestly, the taste wasn’t what stuck with me. It was his reaction. His ragged breathing, his half closed eyes, the way he completely gave in to the pleasure. I realized I had given him something deeply personal, something raw and intimate.

Over time, it wasn’t just about him anymore. I started to enjoy it. Then crave it. The taste, the texture, the warmth… it became as much about my pleasure as his. But there was something else, something darker and harder to admit. It was the role, the act itself. Being the one on her knees, mouth open, ready to take it all. The submissive aspect turned me on, but so did the slutty side of it. The idea that I was the girl who dared, who didn’t hold back.

With every new relationship, every new experience, this obsession grew stronger. Swallowing cum from different boys only amplified it. Each time, I felt like I was embracing this part of myself even more. Every taste, every unique texture left a mark on me. And when it lingered, when I could still feel it in my throat hours later, I loved it even more. Sometimes, it’s happened at work. Sitting in a meeting, feeling that musky taste at the back of my throat. A dirty, shameful reminder of the hours before. In those moments, I feel both embarrassed and alive, like I’m carrying a secret no one else knows.

Now, I can’t deny it anymore. It’s become an essential part of my sexuality. The only porn I watch now is of women swallowing. It’s the only thing that truly excites me. Watching them, on their knees, offered, mouths open, ready to take everything… I see myself in them. I feel what they feel.

But it’s a desire I keep to myself. I could never tell my friends not like this. They know I’m open about sex, but to admit that I love this? That I do it because it excites me, because I need it? No. This is my most shameful fantasy...!