Like many groups, my friends and I always find we get onto sex fairly quickly as a topic of choice. Stories, thoughts, theories, techniques, etc.

With a group of us (three women and two guys), the drinks are flowing at Katie’s place. Suddenly, she comes out with, “right, a challenge – tell us something horny in two minutes!”

Her massive grin told me that she has done something recently she wanted to share. Okay, she had my attention. Sat at her kitchen table, we went round, one by one. I loved how this was open to interpretation with a time limit of 2 minutes.

Zoe went first, sharing, “this’ll be the dirtiest of the bunch, promise.” She stated that her ex-boyfriend used to practically beg to sniff her worn thong. Horny AF, and a controversial one, but I liked it. Okay, I got a little wet there.

We alternated, B-G-B-G. Reggie was up. He explained that since he’d been single, the 3 most recent women had claimed he was the biggest they’d had. We joked, ribbing him, with a “yeah, yeah, whateverrrrr.” A dick pic followed. Tbh, bravo, I was shocked, and even wetter.

Katie was up. Eager to share, she explained that she’d worked up to taking a full dick up the ass. As I jokingly picked her up a butt plug set for her birthday in July, she claimed I was an “influential part” of making that happen, and high fived me.

Matt, who’s seeing Katie, thanked me for “co-piloting” his first anal experience. I told him he should record it next time. I could sense their sexual tension. I asked, “how did she look bent over?”

New to our group, Matt went a little red, answering, “fucking amazing.”

I stunned him with, “yeah, seen her nudes, plus seen her change, so can confirm.”

Okay, all eyes on me – my turn. I noticed their stories were under the 2-minute mark. I playfully bought out my phone, sticking a timer on.

“Welcome to my Ted Talk – The Art of the Blowjob by a Pro Cock Sucker.”

I told them that it starts with the layers of the tease. Build a guy up. Whisper things like, “I’ll look so good with your dick in my mouth.” Make them curious. Tell them, looking in their eye, with confidence, “I’ll suck from the side so you can grab my ass, k?”

I had them all on edge, even in the early stages.

I told them that ‘the tease’ continues to kissing their boxers. Hook your fingers into the trim of their boxers and flirt with the idea of pulling them down. Acknowledge the pre-cum patch. Kiss it.

Then, yeah, compliment the ‘ping’ out of the boxers.

I advised to lay them down, grind your ass over their dick. Show them that peach up close. Lay side-on, on the couch, or in bed. Make sure your ass is just a little out of reach, enough to caress and grab occasionally.

I said it’s about complimenting the taste of their pre cum, giving that subtle hint that their cum is going to end up in your capable mouth.

Nearly at the two minute mark, I asked, “who’s horny?”

I got a full show of hands. I had them in the palm of my hand.

I’m big on not being afraid to switch things up. I explained that although kissing that head and licking the back of is key, it’s about a firm grip with soft lips. I reiterated, “ALWAYS swallow for a new guy. Suck his dick as though you’re only giving him head once – give him something to remember.”

I went on to (okay, it’s a brag) confess that I’d never NOT made a guy cum giving him head. I’m proud of my record.

I detailed my love of implementing mirrors. Taking my time to softly talk, I felt SO wet. Their jaws were open, waiting on every word.

“Okay, so place a mirror behind you. Let him see your ass. If you’re a boobie Queen, fine, keep your top on, then take it off, keep your bra on, keep him guessing. Don’t get them out right away.”

We all have strengths, and I’ll openly ask a guy what he loves most – tits or ass. Oh, that, and “tell me your favourite place to cum.” Don’t ask… Demand. You’re in pure filth mode by now so behaving like a lady is redundant.

I stuck my tongue out and made a pretend jerking off motion, rotating my wrist. They all laughed. My last teaching point was to say, “look them in the eye as they cum and DON’T flinch. It’s just cum.”

Finishing with a round of applause, I could sense I’d shifted the mood in the room. A few minutes later, Katie told us we’d politely have to leave, as she and Matt needed to head upstairs.

Around midnight, I received a text of, “he and I had sex for two fucking hours.”

I asked, “did you suck that dick the way I told you to?”

I received emojis of a pair of lips and an aubergine, so I guess my Ted Talk was helpful.