My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. Since then, I've been talking with a couple of guys but especially this guy James who I used to have the biggest crush on and also my guy best friend Liam. James is 2 years older (I'm 18, he's 20) and currently in college. I used to have the biggest crush on him and I didn't even know that he knew of my existence until we recently reconnected at a party.

Liam has also been comforting me a lot. He has a crush on me and even though I wasn't trying to lead him on, things would sometimes get flirty with the both of them. James knew it was just for fun but I've been a bit worried about sending the wrong message to Liam, it's just that my boyfriend and I used to whisper sweet nothings to each other and now that I'm mostly talking with the two of them, they kinda filled that void after the break up.

This past Friday, James invited me to a party. It was an emotionally exhausting day for me so I really let loose and got pretty tipsy. He didn't drink and I had a curfew so we left pretty early in the night. I initiated the making out but before I knew it, we were both feeling each other's body and clothes started coming off.

I had never moved this fast with a guy before but I didn't want to stop. I sucked James' cock enthusiastically. I figured we'd do oral and maybe a little bit of teasing and grinding without penetration. However, when he had me lie down and repositioned himself, all my ideals about sex being an expression of true love flew out the window. I didn't even think to ask for a condom as I spread my legs for him to slide his big cock into me.

Sex with James felt amazing. My ex is my only other point of reference and James was bigger, more experienced and overall waaaay better. Instead of just pounding away like my ex used to do, James somehow moved around and found an angle where his cock grazed my g-spot with each thrust, then he kept a steady and sustainable pace, fucking me hard and deep. He made me cum twice before finally finishing inside me.

That night felt magical, I just sat in bed thinking about all the time I spent fawning over James and how complete it felt that I finally got to have sex with him. As I lay in bed that night with his cum leaking out of me, my whole world felt like it was perfect.

The rest of the weekend has been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me, I felt really slutty being so easy for James. I've done sexual things with other guys outside of my ex but never full penetration and with James I just let him fuck me without a condom and cum deep inside me. I also felt like a bit of a bitch for using Liam for emotional comfort and then being a total slut for another guy. I told my main friend group about it and there have been differing opinions on the situation. One friend thinks I'm a trashy dumb slut (she means it lovingly) for sleeping with James since he has a reputation for being a player. Another friend thinks I owe it to Liam to sleep with him after leading him on.

I texted the whole friend group without thinking because my mind was going a million miles an hour but there are actually two girls in the group that I didn't trust to keep a secret. Part of me worries that they'll tell other people and I'll get labelled a slut but another part of me wishes that they'll tell everyone so that my ex will be jealous and that all the guys will hit on me thinking they have a chance. In the privacy of my own thoughts, I fantasize about letting all of them get in my pants.