First things first: credit where credit's due, the supervillain of this story is heavily inspired by THE TECHNO QUEEN.

Summary: DA DASTARDLY DICK DEVOURER [thunderclap] is the evillest of supervillains. Most of the time, she goes about giving men the best head in their life (consensually, of course), thus making all subsequent head pale in comparison. How evil! But tonight, she's here for something different. She has used her evil superpowers to search for the best dick, she's made her selection, and she's taking "no" for an answer...

Bold text is villain monologue.

Note on pronounciation: DA DASTARDLY DICK DEVOURER [thunderclap] would insist that her name is only properly pronounced accentuated with the thunderclap. However, I, the writer, understand that SFX can be hard. Please don't let DA DASTARDLY DICK DEVOURER [thunderclap]'s insistance on the thunderclap deter you from recording. Pronouncing her name in all caps is enough.

[Smash: a door is smashed in.]

Cower in terror, man, for it is I, DA DASTARDLY DICK DEVOURER [thunderclap]

You might have heard of me. I suck dick—the devouring thing is metaphorical, you try coming up with an alliterative name involving evilness, fellatio, and penises. I suck dick... EVILLY! I use the erotic superpowers I gained in a radioactive sex accident to give men the best head in their life! After I'm done swallowing their cum, any subsequent oral pales in comparison! Bwahahahahahaha!

But my evil designs don't stop there. Oh, no. I am even more evil than that! Before I suck a man's dick... I ask for PERMISSION! If he says yes, I suck him off, and he has to live the rest of his life experiencing inferior fellatio. But if he says no... then I DON'T suck him off. I just leave him there to contemplate what the best head in the world might have felt like. He'll spend the rest of his life contemplating what the best blowjob ever might feel like AND he doesn't even get to experience it. Ah-hahahahaha. Hahahahahahaha!

...Yes, I cured all the STDs in the world. I offer to suck this one guy off and he's all like, "no, I don't want an STD." That sort of thing really does a number of my self-esteem. Here I am with superpowers that give me superhuman fellatio skills and I can't even give it away! Well, I have superpowers related to all things erotic, so I'm not going to let something minor like chlamydia get in the way of my EVIL SEXINESS. So, yeah, I eliminated all the world's STDs. And now, people all over the entire WORLD are having PREMARITAL SEX! My villainy is unconstrained by country borders! Truly, am I not the EVILLEST of supervillains?

("No," says the foolish listener. "I don't think you're evil at all.")

You think I am not the evillest of supervillains? Well, we shall see what you have to say about that when I'm done with you, foolish man! You see, tonight I am EXPANDING my VILLAINOUS REPERTOIRE! I have used my superpowers to scrape all publicly-available dick pics of adult men, and SOMEONE posted their dick on Reddit three years ago, isn't that right... u/pussy69_destroyer420? You thought you were so smart, posting under a pseudonym just for your sex stuff. Well, you would have gotten away with it, if not for DA DASTARDLY DICK DEVOURER [thunderclap]!

So now you have a choice. If you say yes, you will fall deeper into my clutches than any man has before. If you say no, you will live a life plagued by doubt and thoughts of what might have been. Would you like... to go on a date with me?

("That sounds great!" says the foolish listener. "You're really cute!" If only he knew the doom that awaited him.)

Great! I'll give you a moment to get ready and then I'll have one of my minions pick you up. Is half an hour enough? It is? I'll see you then!

So, I had a really good time tonight. Would you like to come back to my lair and join me for some... immorality?

[Teleport]

And here we are! Now you can see why I got teleporting as one of my erotic superpowers. Here's another one: I can disintegrate clothes.

Like what you see? Good, because my entire body is an erogenous zone, although some zones are more erogenous than others. My lips up here are as sensitive as my lower lips used to be, and my pussy... it'd be hard for you to not get me off. So what are you waiting for? You can touch me anywhere.

They kiss

Oh fuck yes, right there.

Moan

A bit harder on my nipple. Please. Yes, like that.

Some more moaning

Can I disintegrate your shirt? I want to feel you, skin to skin, pressed up against me.

Pause

Fuck, you feel good.

The moaning continues, now with a note of desperation

I want you inside of me so badly. Pants?

No? Please?

Are you going to make me beg? I can beg. I can get up on all fours at the edge of the bed and stick my ass in the air so you can see how wet and swollen my pussy is. My superpowers keep me wet all the time, so I'm always ready to fuck. But I wouldn't have normally soaked through you pants with my arousal. You did that. You did that because I really like you.

I don't just want you for your dick. I mean, obviously, it's part of why I asked you out. But I had a really good time tonight! I wouldn't have invited you into my lair unless I really like you—all of you. Now, can I please disintegrate your pants?

...Wow. I knew what it looked like from the picture, but having it here in person... Put it in? Please?

(He enters her.)

Wow.

(He begins fucking her.)

You fit really nicely. I knew my cockSelectingBot would find me a nice cock, but I never thought a cock could feel so nice. Keep going. Just like that. Mhm. Grab my breasts. Both of them. Yes! Nipples. Squeeze them. Harder. Yes, keep going I'm going to—wait, why'd you stop?

You're punishing me for my evilness? You mean... you think I'm an evil supervillain?

("Yes, you're the evillest supervillain to have ever supervillained.")

I'm the evillest supervillain ever? You really mean that? Then, maybe I should get punished some more? Spank my ass? Please?

Smack

Thank you for punishing me.

Smack

Thank you for punishing me, Sir.

Smack

I've tempted 11 men this week and sucked off 6. So, 11 medium strokes on my left cheek and 6 hard ones on my right?

Yes, Sir.

Smack 1, Sir. Smack 2, Sir. Smack 3, Sir. Smack 4, Sir. Smack 5, Sir. Smack 6, Sir. Smack 7, Sir. Smack 8, Sir. Smack 9, Sir. Smack 10, Sir. Smack 11, Sir.

Smack 1, Sir. Smack 2, Sir. Smack 3, Sir. Smack 4, Sir. Smack 5, Sir. Smack 6, Sir.

Now, may I please cum, Sir?

Thank you, Sir!

Just... could you please put on this evil beard?

You look so good with it! Not that you didn't look good before, but now you're more... evil. Please, take me, my Dark Lord.

Ohh... thank for your cock, my Dark Sir.

Oh, fuck, your mouth on my nipples, fuck I'm going to cum please can I cum fuck thank you fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

She cums

You like how my pussy milked your cock? Another superperk: if I cum, my pussy releases sexy pheromones that induces you to climax. And I get all your cum.

Wait, can you, um, stay inside me for another moment? And maybe some kisses?

Some kisses

So, how would you like to do this full time? I don't mean as a minion; I have enough of those. I was thinking maybe an assistant? That's very prestigious, you know. I have loads of money from my supervillainery, and I could pay for your day cover. And then, at night, you could assist me in coming up with new devious plans.

You want to work at a animal shelter? You better be serious about being my assistant, because if it got out that I was funding a guy to save cute puppies...

Okay, fine, you can work at the animal shelter. Come to think of it, the lair could use some guard dogs. Yes... Help me plan, assistant. What breed of dog is the evillest?