THE AUDIO

(NOTE: I was going to wait until April Fools Day to post this, but with so many people stuck in quarantine, I thought "hey, I might as well release it early; people stuck at home need some quality entertainment!")

I think there's a lot of girls out there who are attracted to guys that are a little older than them.

There might be a lot of women who are attracted to men that are significantly older than them.

But there's probably not a lot of women who are attracted to men that are well over a hundred years old, who have cultivated incredible magical power, and who also run a school for wizards. 🧙‍♂️

And yet, this audio is about one such woman, who has returned to Hogwarts after many years to apply for the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. And if the interview gets her much closer to her long-held crush of Albus Dumbledore -- and not the sexy Jude Law version of Dumbledore in the Fantastic Beasts films, but the creaky old man version portrayed by Richard Harris in the first two Harry Potter films -- well... that works out pretty well for her tastes. ;D

TIME STAMPS

Because it's pretty normal to want to skip ahead to your favorite steamy scenes. 🤓

• 00:00 - The relatively SFW intro, complete with a Harry Potter cameo. It's completely irrelevant to the "plot," but I thought "hey, why not drop some Harry in there just because?" 🤓

• 02:10 - When occlumency goes wrong... or really, really right? ;D

• 04:15 - Just some kissing, maybe a little light petting, you know, the sort of light foreplay that ancient wizards engage in, I guess.

• 05:30 - A surprise Dobby cameo! Sadly Dobby is not involved in any hanky-panky. Too bad, as you know House Elves can make magic with their hands. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

• 06:30 - The cunnilingus scene, or "before you get Dumble-dicked, first you must get Dumble-licked!"

• 09:30 - There's a knock at the door and it's Snape! How will Dumbledore react to our favorite Potions Master suddenly (and begrudgingly) getting swept up in the sexy action? Well, mostly by going "SeEVeRuS!!!" every 30 seconds.

• 10:10 - At this point, the audio splits: you have one character's dialogue coming (mostly) from the left speaker, and another character's audio coming from (mostly) the right speaker. I don't know how else to portray a threesome. >_>

• 11:50 - "The only cauldron you'll be stirring is this young lady's cauldron of love!" Or, it's time to switch positions... I guess threesomes are like team sports that way? I dunno. o_o

• 16:30 - "Take my Elder Wand!" Or, everyone conveniently climaxes at the same time. <_<

• 17:15 - Lemon drops as aftercare. 🍋

...anyways, I hope you, uh, enjoy? For an audio with a lot of sex scenes, I'm not sure if this is actually... sexy. 😅 ^{the creaky old wizard voice I use might be to blame}