Oh boy, this is my first GWA post! I'm a longtime lurker, and I'm glad I could give something--and I do really mean something--back to this community.

This script requires a bit of voice acting. Or something like that. I've tagged some of the dialogue with footnotes that will give you reference points as to how those parts should sound.

THE SUPERVILLAIN'S HENCHMAN

I'd always dreamed of marrying a gentleman. I dreamed of white a white picket fence in the suburbs. I'd cook and clean while you worked on the car. You'd come inside dirty with motor oil, and I'd take the apple pie cooling on the window ledge and cut you a slice. You'd kiss me and tell me about your day while our 2.2 children played in the yard.

But when you came home from work that day, the future I'd imagined for myself was gone. You left as the man of my dreams and came home something different—something better.

It's our second anniversary. We hit a rough patch in our relationship—I think mostly because our routine has become a bit, well, routine—but the last couple of weeks have been better, and I want to make sure that continues. I want to make sure you know that even when we're not good, we're still great.

We have dinner reservations to the fancy gastropub in town, the one with vintage cherry tables and the old Scottish owner who greets every guest himself. I remember going there way too many times when we first started dating. Ha, we were so young and broke then. We'd order a bottle of wine and not be able to afford any food except for radishes and butter.

But before that, we'll have a couple of hours between when you get home from work and when we leave for dinner, a couple of hours to ourselves to work up our appetites. And I want to make sure everything is perfect for when you walk through the door.

I take a long, hot shower, washing my hair, scrubbing every inch of my body, and exfoliating with my shower rock. I shave my armpits and legs; I even take extra care to make sure there are no straggling hairs left around my ankles because tonight is that special.

I blow dry my hair and put it up in a clip, letting a wisp fall to the side of my face. Those are my saucy locks. I lotion my skin and apply my makeup, my blood red lipstick playing off of smokey eye makeup to make a perfect vision of sultry.

I make my way to the bedroom where I spray a bit of perfume on myself and a bit on the light next to the bed so that it wafts through the room as the bulb heats up.

I put on sheer stockings with seams running up the back and hook them onto a lacy garter belt I bought just for the occasion. I wear black crotchless panties and a sheer bustier on top.

For the coup de grace, I lie back on our silk sheets with my legs spread and tie my ankles to the bed posts. Next, I form the knots for my wrists, putting them in place. But before pulling them tight, I put on a red silk eye mask adorned with black lace.

Lying there blindfolded with my limbs tied to the corners of the bed, I have nothing to do but think. I know your boss is a bit of an evil genius, but I hope he doesn't hold you up too much on your anniversary.

I think of all the times we’ve had together, meeting at the diner downtown. I can still remember the first thing you said to me. We were with some friends who knew each other, but we'd never met before. You and a couple other people were already at our table when I arrived. I saw Molly and Mike and the other Mike and the other Mike. I went over to sit down, and I saw you. I thought you were so cute, and luckily the seat next to you was open. I sat down, trying to hide my excitement at sitting next to the cute boy I didn't know. When I sat, you turned to me, looked me square in the eyes and said, "I think you just sat in some ketchup."

I think of our first few weeks together. I think of those first evenings, making love all night until one of us had to leave for work in the morning. Remembering all those puts my body into a gentle smolder. I am warm with want, desperate with desire.

That's when I hear the front door open. Your footsteps go from the foyer, across the living room, into the kitchen.

"Honey," I call out, "do you remember what today is?"

I hear your footsteps coming down the hall, each one a bit louder than the last like the beats of my heart. I hear you stop in the bathroom. I wait impatiently. I hear the toilet flush, and I prepare myself. But then I wait a bit more. I hear the toilet flush a second time and then the faucet.

You walk back to the bedroom, and the door creeks open. I feel myself smile with excitement and imagine the expression on your face.

"Oooooh," I hear you say.

You jump up on the bed between my legs. Your fingers trace over my thighs, sending a tingle up my spine. I feel your fingers on my stomach and hips. I can't stand the anticipation anymore.

"I can't stand the anticipation anymore," I tell you.

I feel your tongue against me, lashing at my clit, lapping up my juices with a fervor I've never felt before.

[Insert licking sounds here¹ ]

You go Drizzy on my clitty like its name is Meek Mill. I lose myself in the bliss. My pussy starting to tighten, I get closer and closer to the edge. But then you stop. I’m frustrated yet tantalized, turned on like grandma’s crockpot when the kids are coming over.

“Please,” I beg, “put it in, just put it inside me. I need to feel you.”

But ever the tease you are, you just take your time and climb beside me on the bed. Your fingertips dance up my ribcage and then up my arm and back down to my breasts. You knead my nipples gently and pinch them. I let out a sharp breath. You pinch them again. [Draw this out for comedy] And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again. And again.

“Stop teasing me,” I yell. “I need you inside.”

That’s when a small hand reaches up under my eye mask, pulling it off of my face. I think being blinded for so long is causing my eyes to play tricks on me at first. I blink a few times and look at you. Staring back at me is a pair of big brown eyes behind goggles. You stand three feet tall, a cylindrical body covered in smooth yellow skin.

“Hello papagena, tore bena con la papaia² ,” you say seductively.

I blink a few more times, and it all clicks. “The Minionizer Gun,” I whisper to myself. I remember you telling me that your boss, Gru, had developed a gun to turn humans into minions.

As I’m thinking about this, I notice a bulge straining against your denim overalls. You undo one strap and then the other. Your overalls fall onto the bed, and a smooth yellow penis, nearly half the size of your body, springs to life, smacking me on the chin on its way to full, glorious erection.

“Banana!” you cry. “Banana banana banana!³ ”

Without warning, you shove your cock into my mouth, barely making it one third of the way in before I can feel the head prodding its way into my throat. Relentlessly, you thrust until I’m gagging and tears well in my eyes—half: involuntary tears from your continuous thrusts; half: tears of confusion—who did this to you? what did this to you? when did they do this to you? where did they do this to you? why did they do this to you?—and half tears of joy, that I’ve been gifted with the chance to be with such a sexual being, such a sexy being. This was never what I dreamed of—it’s so much more.

Just as I’m gasping for air and not sure how much more I can handle, you pull out.

Turned on by your sexual wantonness, I yell for you. “Fuck me! Stick it in my pussy, you aspheric yellow fuck!”

“Banana banana!” you say again, moving down between my legs. Positioning your cock at my entrance, you say, “Para tu!”

Your cock slams into my giner without mercy. With each motion, my insides stretch to accommodate more and more of your foot-and-a-half long member. The girth and length pushing so deeply into me takes a bit of getting used to, but soon, I want it all.

“Yes!” I scream. “Deeper! Fuck me deeper you horny anthropomorphic twinky!”

You thrust away without mercy, beating my pussy up like it’s an inner city school and your dick is Reagonomics. My nether regions stretch and contract at the same time in an erotic combination of sensations. Before I know it, an orgasm envelopes my whole body.

[Read in an orgasmy voice] “Fuck shit fiddlesticks with a side of waffle fries! I’m cumming! I’m cumming! Fuck me, you oversized jellybean! I’m cumming!”

[Finish orgasm]

With that, you pull out of my pussy.

“Banana banana!” you cry as you shoot a load all over my stomach, chest, and face. “Banana banana, hehehe⁴ !”

You collapse in a heap on my groin.

“Baby, that was so good,” I say with satisfaction.

But you’re not done yet. You stand up remove your goggles. You bend over between my legs. I anticipate more of your machine gun tongue, but that’s not what I get. Instead, I feel my flesh canyon stretch even more, around something even larger than your monster minion dong.

Inch by inch, I can feel something creeping up into my interior. Pleasure and pain mix as I realize you’re stuffing your head inside me. I’m reverse birthing a minion.

“That’s a real headfuck,” I say.

When you’re sufficiently in, you kick your legs and flail your arms, rocking your entire body up and down inside of me. The sensation feels delicious against my Grafenberg spot. Your body massages every muscle, firing every nerve. And I’m cumming again. And again. And again.

“Tear that pussy up you deformed creamsicle! You discolored Advil Liquigel! Make me cum with your unfrosted éclair head lookin ass!”

[Finish orgasm]

Eventually, both of our bodies go limp with exhaustion. You pull out and look up at me. Your face looks like you’ve been waterboarded with grool. You walk up to the side of the bed and cuddle up next to me.

The bedroom door opens halfway. Three more minions poke their heads in.

“Tulaliloo ti amo!”

Because videos links are not allowed in posts, I'll give you the titles of the videos to find on Youtube so you have an idea of what these lines sound like.

1: "Despicable Me - Minions". The licking sounds start at :25.
2: "Minions Official Trailer 3 (HD) - Illumination". The line starts at 1:32.
3: "Banana Fighting - Minions Funny Video". 1:37 is a good place to reference.
4: "Yellow Minion Shooting".