I've had this in my head for a while, and I haven't done an M4M recently.
Ireland today isn't this Ireland, and that's good. I've no idea if it's erotic, but I hope it's OKAY - so over to y'all...
.
.
OKAY
.
Okay.
They say the longest journey starts with a single step. Which is fine, I guess. But it misses two things. Because it's not just the long journeys that start that way - it's the short ones too. And sometimes that step doesn't involve putting one foot in front of the other or anywhere at all. Sometimes it's just a word.
Like Okay.
That's how it started. For us, I mean. I thought it was just going to be another day getting the shit kicked out of me. That's how it is at school, when you've got a bad habit of acing exams and the worse habit of not giving a crap about rugby, because it's just another way for people to hit you. So when I saw you coming over, king of every sports field from Galway to Limerick, and the First Fifteen behind you, I knew what was coming.
It was the first day I really knew how dumb I was and how smart you are.
So you come over, and the first fifteen grab me, and they drag me over to the bike sheds. Then you tell them to let me go, because this time's yours, and nobody else is going to get in cac if I rat on you afterwards. And they let me go, and you grab my arm and you ram it up behind my back, and you take me behind the bike sheds. And I'm ready for my kicking, because that was just how it was back then. And then you do it. You put your hand on my face, and I can see the tears in your eyes, the tears you're not quite crying - and you ask me. You ask me to kiss you. And I know there's no way you could know how many times I'd stared out of classroom windows. Stared at you - watching you run, watching you throw and kick - watching you be what you so easily were. Watching you be beautiful. And I've no idea if somehow someone has seen, has guessed and this is just your way of making me prove I'm what... what nobody can be, what nobody can be allowed to be. And I don't care. Because even if it is, and even if I've never been more scared in my life, you're still so very beautiful. And even if I'm going to die, right there, right then, I know I'm going to do it. I'm going to die with your taste on my lips, on my tongue, and I'm going to die having held you to me, even if it's going to be the only time I ever do. So I say it. I say it, and not one foot moves in front of another foot, but it begins. The long road ahead of us, and the shorter one in front of me now.
I say Okay.
And I say it, and I put my hand on your face, like yours is on mine, and I pull your head to me, and my lips touch yours. My lips touch yours, and my tongue licks them. My tongue licks them, and it pushes at them and they open! Your lips open, and you don't push me down and you don't kick me, and you don't twist my arm just to hear it crack and break. Because you kiss me too and I taste you for the first time.
I can still remember that taste. Even now, even here.
And as you kiss me, you whisper how you've always watched me, always seen me. And you tell me how you'd dreamed of this, this moment, even if it meant losing everything, when people found out what you were. And you tell me how you'd set things up, so the other boys knew you were going to take me behind the sheds and do what bigger boys always did to smaller boys there, but it wasn't really that, and you tell me how you don't care if people find out because this is what you've dreamed of and... but I stop you. First with my tongue, deep in your mouth, and then with my finger on your lips. And I whisper that nobody has to know. Because this is what I'd dreamed of too, but everything has a price. God, I was so fucking smart. So I tell you what the price has to be, and what you have to do. And you say no, and the tears I'd seen you almost crying start to fall. But I say yes, it's just how it has to be. And I say yes, it's worth it.
So you do it. You do it, and you don't hold back, and I scream. And when you can't do any more, you lean over me and tell me how sorry you are, and your tears are streaming down. So I look up at you and I kiss them away - and I tell you to run.
When they found me, they told me I had three cracked ribs and a broken arm. They couldn't understand why I was smiling.
I never told them. I never told anyone.
And that was school, and that was life, and it wasn't the only time someone took me behind the bike sheds. But sometimes it was you, and I still made you do what you had to do - but it was worth it, for the love in your eyes and your lips on mine. And we wanted to do more, to share more, but there was only so much time a kicking could take, and only so many kisses we could steal. And I had it easy, because there was nothing about me any girl would look at twice, but you had to pretend, and every school dance you'd be there with some girl. But you'd always look at me when nobody was looking, and you'd always be sad. And it would always be a different girl, and the other boys were jealous and said how you were going to have every girl in school before you were done. But I knew it was always a different one because none of them meant a damn thing to you - because I did. And every dance, every girl, I'd catch your eye, and you'd look sad, and I'd smile, and my lips would move - not a kiss, but something else.
Okay.
But school doesn't last forever, even if it feels like it does. And finally it was over and on my last day, I cried. Because there's a world outside school, and it doesn't have bike sheds, and I was headed away for my job at the bank, and you were headed for a trial with... with something with didn't matter a damn to me, because it didn't include me. Couldn't include me. And you got your team shirt, even if it was the Reserve Fifteen to start with, and everyone said you'd be County one day - maybe even National. And I knew I'd never see you again, because if anyone found out, it would cost you that shirt, and the bank would be the same. And I cared so much that I'd never see you again, but it was worth it for every kiss we'd shared. And I'd go to the games, and I'd watch you run and you were so fucking beautiful.
And that was it - was all there was. Was all I thought there'd ever be. Because I knew then about the places people like us went - the places people like us could be the people we were. But I knew even if it might work for me, it wouldn't work for you. Because I was nobody, just another face nobody remembered behind another window at another bank. But you were you, and you weren't in the Reserve Fifteen any more. You played every day, and you'd made County, and people who knew said you were going to make National - and you were beautiful. Your face was in newspapers, and I kept every one. And your face was on TV, and I'd record the news just to look at you. And it was still Okay, because we'd had what we had, even if we were never going to have it again.
And I thought I was so smart but I was always dumb. And you were never dumb.
I forget what it was - some mindless celebration for somebody I didn't really know getting a promotion at the bank. And I'd gone, because that's what you had to do. But I only stayed as long as I had to. And I was walking home, and it wasn't much the bank paid, so it wasn't in the better part of town home was. And the street, it was dark, because five of the street lamps had been broken. The local bhoys did that sometimes, just to prove they could. And I was walking, and that was when it happened. Because somebody grabbed me, under a dark street lamp, and pulled me into an alley. And it was like school, and it was nothing new, so I knew I was going to lose my wallet and gain some bruises, and I just hoped there wasn't a knife, because Limerick wasn't called Switch City for nothing. And I went limp, because school had taught me it hurt less that way and I fell into your arms.
And you held me up, and you whispered how you'd thrown more rocks than you could count at the damn street lamps, and, in ainm Chroim, please god would I kiss you? And I kissed you like I'd never kissed you, and I held you, and I told you this was crazy, and I told you you were mad, and you told me you didn't care - and you told me you loved me. And you held me so close, and I could feel your hardness, and I knew you could feel mine. And you took my hand, and you put it on your zip, and for a moment I didn't know what you meant - but then I knew. And I took your hand and put it on my zip. And I took your cock from your pants, and you took mine out, and we held each other. We held each other, and then we began to stroke, fingers curled round hardness. We stroked, but slow, not fast. We stroked, and we never took our eyes from each others eyes, and we stroked so soft, and so slow, because neither of us wanted this first time to end, but both of us wanted to be where it would take us. And I could feel it building in me, the moment, and I could feel your cock pulsing in my fingers and I knew you felt it too. And after so long, so very long, and yet far too soon, we both stiffened so very hard in each others hands - and more than trembled. More than pulsed. And as you came, and covered my fingers and hand in your heat, I covered yours in mine. And you lifted your hand to your lips, and you waited, and I lifted my hand to mine. And I truly tasted you for the first time as I watched your tongue taste me.
And everything was Okay. So much more than Okay.
And whenever you were playing in Limerick, the Council would have to send out a repair crew to the street lights, and I'd taste you again. And I knew we wanted so much more, but I knew there was so much more we couldn't have. But what we had was a wonder, and it was enough. And I knew we could never have more, and I knew I was right, because it was so clever I was.
You were always more clever than I.
And it was a day, and a day it was, and I wasn't looking for broken street lights, because you weren't playing that day, and not in Limerick. And I was walking home, so it wasn't late and a car pulled up beside me. It pulled up, and you leaned out, and you grinned and you asked me if I knew the way to the Cliffs of Moher? And I said you were crazy, and you said yes, and you opened the door and told me to get my sweet ass into the damn car. So I did, and you drove, and if I didn't know the way to Moher, you did. But you didn't drive fast, because you said we had to be late. And the sun fell and the night fell, and it was a starry night. And you drove, and you parked and we got out, and we walked. We walked, and it was so late, and nobody was near, and your hand was tight in mine. And you held me tight, my hand, and we walked, and we remembered old days, and we laughed. But we laughed soft, so if anybody was near they wouldn't hear us. And we walked, and it was midnight. And there was a rope, for the cliffs aren't a safe place, and you asked me if I'd step over the rope with you, and I said it.
Okay.
And we stepped over the rope, and we walked to the edge, and the waves were crashing far below us, but we could hear them. And you did it. You took off your clothes. And you were so fucking beautiful. And you smiled, and you waited, and I knew. And I took mine off. And I was so hard - so very hard. And you knelt down, and you took me in your mouth, and you began to suck. And your hands were tight on my ass, and I was deep in your mouth, and I knew you weren't going to stop sucking until I couldn't hold back. And I didn't . You sucked, and I came, and I flooded into your mouth. And I felt your mouth work, your throat work, as you swallowed me. And you licked me clean, and you smiled up at me and I pulled you up, and I knelt to you and your lovely cock slid between my lips. Slid in, and thrust into me and thrust and pulled, pulled and thrust, until you gave me what I'd given you. And it was hot, and it was thick, and it was life itself and I swallowed. And I looked up at you, and I smiled, and I thought we were done, under the stars and the shining moon, and I reached for my clothes. But you shook your head, and you held my hand, and you knelt, and you lay, and you raised your arms and I slid into them at your side. And we kissed, and we held, and we caressed and we got hard. We got hard, and you smiled and you turned your back to me. You turned your back, and you reached behind you, and you took hold of your ass cheeks, and you spread them, and you waited. You waited, and I slid behind you, and put my arms round you, and my fingers pinched your hard nipples, and my lips kissed your neck and my cock slid into you. I slid into you, and the moon smiled, and for all the cold wind I was so very warm, so very hot. And I loved you then, right here on the Cliffs of Moher, and I loved you until I could love you no more. And then I turned my back to you, and I reached behind me.
Oh fuck. I'm crying.
And your come was so warm, so hot and wet in my ass, and I turned to you and took you in my arms, and I kissed you. And you said you didn't give a fuck what the world thought, and you never wanted to be away from me, and you were going to tell the club, and to fuck with your shirt. And you said you had a present for us. And you showed me, your red dragon on a chain and my blue one. And the dragons were curled tight round stony eggs. And you told me you'd kept some of my come last time we stood in the alley, and some of yours. And you told me how my dragon's stone had your come inside, and yours had mine. And you put my dragon round my neck, and I put yours round you. And we cried. We cried, and we said this was our place, this place on the Cliffs. And you said we might have to leave Ireland to be together, but we'd never leave here. And we got dressed, and we got in the car, and we left Moher behind, because there were things that had to be done before we could be us.
Oh fuck. Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.
And I think you told them, my love. I think you told them, and I think this is Ireland, and I think it was better behind the bike sheds. Because they believed you then, and it was good, but I think they believed you now and it isn't. Because I saw the news, how there'd been an accident in the scrum, and you'd been.. you'd... and I know it was no fucking accident. I wonder if they laughed when they heard the gay-boy's neck snap? When they faked their visits to your bed? When you breathed your last? I know I'm not laughing. I know I'll never laugh again. And I know there's only one place for me to be, and I'm here. And I know there's only a little journey left, and this time it really does take only one small step. And I came here, and I stepped and I can hear you, my love. I can hear you in the crashing waves, and I can feel you getting closer. And it's all right. I'll be there soon. It's alright and it's Oka.....