Moar Tags: [We're trapped in the Last Light Inn, so time to smash] [Mention of being a bit gross, because we're trapped in the Last Light Inn]

Summary:

It’s nothing fancy, just a good old script about giving Jaheira the D. Sometimes, brevity is all you can offer.

From the Goblin:

Jaheira? Yeah, I met her a few times. Hells, my \family’s* met her a few times. Great, great grandpappy once got hit with her entangle spell way back when, when she was a druid/fighter dual class and ran around with that twerp, Khalid. Did you know he used to show up with a sword? What an asshole! The man has a better dex score than strength, and any player worth their salt puts him on archer duty as soon as possible.*

Tank? Yeah, I guess he would have the AC to do that, but why make Khalid tank when someone like Kagain does it better? “What do you mean, players?” Don’t sweat it, kid, I meant “any omnipresent authority figure.”

But yeah, when I met Jaheira, she was total GILF material. I mean, like, seriously. You know how every once in a while you see someone a bit older and say “man, wrinkles and grey hair just work on you?” Well, wrinkles and grey hair totally work on Jaheira. Problem is, she isn’t into goblins. Rion, on the other hand. . .well, let’s just say that when mommy Jaheira was away, her dour daughter decided to play. She was a freak, let me tell you! Maybe she’s got mommy issues, because that woman ended our first date by coming to bed with a collar and leash and telling me that I needed to treat her like a “very bad girl.”

Funny, I just kept on thinking of Jaheria while I rode her like a prized warhorse. I guess I have a thing for sardonic half-elf women with plenty of experience and a “clean your damn room” sort of attitude. Maybe I’m the one with mommy issues? Who’s to say at this point.

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Another one of the “written, but not published” scripts for you all! While there is a WIP draft of a much raunchier Baldur’s Gate script in the works (courtesy of some very nasty little suggestions from a commenter), the Goblin made this gentler fare a few weeks ago, and I now have the pleasure of putting it before the masses.

Look, let’s not pretend Jaheira isn’t 500% fuckable, okay? I know, I know, “muh Mama K, muh Shadowheart” are all valid things to say, but Ms. J. is an ageless sexpot par excellence. Pretty sure the Goblin and I were dangerously close to having a sexual awakening when we booted up BG 1 all those years ago, and I’m very much certain we had a sexual re-awakening when BG 3 came around. If you're the sort of person who likes their ladies sarcastic, saucy and maybe a bit bossy, you might just have to thank Jaheira for that!