Further tags: [fantasy religious] [listener cums twice] [speaker cums once]

Summary:

Many folks come to the Shadewood seeking treasure in the ruins of lost elven civilizations. You, however, are not one of them. You are a young man who took a wrong left turn. . .or was it the right turn where you went wrong? No matter, you’re lost, and if you don’t find help soon you’ll be some wolf’s meal soon enough.

Luckily, deep within the wood there are those who hope to be lost for a time. Mystics and other strange people seek quietude, including one particularly thicc holy woman who can’t help but help the lost man she finds stumbling around outside. . .

Note: Keep an eye on those tags. While the script does have a “lady doth protest too much” vibe to it, the plot does essentially feature the speaker “giving in” to the advances of a lone man while stuck out in the wilderness. It goes without saying that the rape tag is there for a reason.

From the Goblin:

Hermits. You know, methinks nobody goes into the woods or upon a mountaintop alone unless they’re desperately horny and want to have a whole lot of time to themselves. Think of it: you want to rub a few dozen out, but you’re surrounded by prudes. What’s the solution? “Uh, I need to go for a year or two, bye!” Boom: you’ve got all the “me” time you could ever need.

Of course, there’s bound to be the few exhibitionist types. Anchorites are my favorite: no way you got yourself bricked up in a church wall just to pray. You wanted to fuck yourself silly while other folks were nearby!

Aw shite, that one set the guard off. Stupid paladins don’t have a sense of humor: I hope it’s not another week in the dungeon for that joke.

 --

The goblin once more provides a script following the humble request of an anonymous reader. Apparently there might be plans to get this filled by someone: how exciting!

Now, onto the script! You turn left. Or was it right? Damnation, you're lost!