Short summary:

A nice man is summoned to help his work bestie help with a wardrobe malfunction. It's an issue with her shapewear. He ends up talking about how pretty she is and how much he likes her curves, lumps, and bumps. Lots of banter and body worship. Emotions! Then they fuck and there’s lots of the elusive straight-man-finger-sucking and being finger-face-fucked. Here it is.

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Expressive summary:

You’re at your work’s annual fundraising gala, where you get to be reminded that you are underpaid while the rich are overpaid and thus encouraged to donate lots of money.

(Would you like another glass of champagne, Doctor? Things have been great with us, we are really, really, close to our year-end goal and the work we do is just so important - oh yes, we certainly can process a credit card right here, right now!)

You are wearing old-fashioned shapewear, Spanx. You’re too old and poor for Skimms. But it’s fine, it’s fine, and god dammit. That felt like your bra came unhooked. Damn it. You won’t be able to easily fix it without help getting the damned Spanx down – OK. It’ll be fine, you’ll just ask for help from someone - ugh. You’ll have to ask Heather or Addie and that would be… Listen, you’re a girls’ girl and there’s nothing wrong with Heather and Addie, they’re quite nice actually, but you’re also kind of a fat and mid-30s girls’ girl and you just really don’t want to talk to thin 24-year-olds about this.So you’ll ask your best work buddy for help. He’s nice. He’s very funny, and a feminist (but doesn’t like to proudly proclaim it like a douche) and once he almost correctly quoted bell hooks in a conversation with you. He’s… well. He’s a friend, ok? You're not asking him because the idea of him unzipping your dress makes you wet, it's... yeah.

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(Please don't post anywhere except reddit without checking in.)

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Like nice men bringing water to distressed ladies, knights of hydration? Come read my tale about a voyeur who happens to be a widow and is also very nice.

Like men who really want to fucking dominate women but it makes them feel like bad feminists? Yeah, me too, it's basically a kink at this point, and here's something short about that. (You perfect angelic man, let me pat your head and tell you gender is performative and then you can just have your way with me. I'm waiting.)

Can’t stop giggling about the Chabad tunnel and can’t stop making jokes to your Jewish friends about Moshiach coming through a tunnel? Yes, I wrote porn about it. (PS - Have any of you Jewish Discworld fans realized that since the Deep Downers can quite obviously be an allegory for Hasidic and Yeshivish Jews (the way they talk about text! Laws! Immigration!) this is eerily exactly like what happened at the beginning of Thud!? I cannot be alone in realizing this, right? Think there’s a corpse down there? GNU Terry Practchett and all that, obviously.)

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