I'm turning 31 in less than a month and I feel like an absolute failure at just about everything. I've had my current job for about 3 years now and while I like it, I can't help but feel like I'm not where I need to be financially. It was only in the past 4 months I managed to have over $5,000 in the bank for the first time in my life, and yet I'll have expenses hitting again in August that will tear me back down.

This has affected my mood regarding everything. I know deep down I need to take medication for my diabetes but I just get in this mindset that it's very expensive just to see the doctor, even with excellent health insurance, and that'll just make paying harder when the hard times hit again, so what's the point? Why should I care about it when I just feel like it's both a waste of time and money and effort?

I know it's doing terrible things to my body but nothing can make it past the other thought that just gangs up on me that maybe I don't deserve nice things. I work my ass off only to watch my effort disappear, and it just adds to this mentality of not caring. Why should I put in more effort if it's just going to as pain to my already painful life and not really do anything?

It just feels like I'm stuck. Everything just piles on and I can't get anywhere, nothing I do matters, and when it's all over I'll have nothing to my name beyond a pile of debt and maybe a gravestone.