I’m 23 and she is 33 with 3 kids. Those kids are my world. I knew her for 2 years before getting together with her. Her youngest went to the daycare I worked at. The first two months were absolute heaven. She told me even before we were together that she was sexually exclusive with me. Fast forward two months and we had a rough week where I would try to talk about issues or problems I was having and at the end of the week we had an argument and she said she was going to her ex gfs house. I was crushed. I fawned and told her that I don’t want her to miss out because of me so she went and saw her and that was the start of the open relationship. I didn’t see anyone else because she was all I wanted. Two months later she broke up with me. Then two weeks after that she tried to date me. We ended up being basically on/off for 4 months and she said I love you for the first two months of that time. I haven’t talked to her in three weeks. After the initial breakup I looked up getting your ex back and it was a bunch of no contact stuff. So I stopped chasing her. At some point in January she fucked another guy. I was shattered. Basically I don’t want her to be waiting for me to reach out because I’m waiting for her to reach out. I just love them all so much and would do anything for them. I feel betrayed. And I don’t know how she could just let me go like that. I want to tell her that I still want and love her but that I cannot chase her. I think she has or will soon lose all feelings for me. When I found out she fucked another guy( I looked through her phone, which she said was okay, but I still feel like shit about it) she told me I have nothing to worry about. But here we are I haven’t spoken to the love of my life in almost a month and she is no doubt getting dicked down by him and eating out her ex gf. While I’m sad and trying to not cry every day. She is my favorite. And my first. And everyone says there are more fish in the sea. But I don’t want fish. I want her. She is special. If we got back together I would always worry that she will let me go again.