Good day. 30F

I have recently become annoyed by a habit I’ve noticed in my day to day. I’m constantly a “no show” in my own life.

In started in college. I’d skip classes. I graduated. Now a full- time job. I take days off. It’s become an issue. A loss of respect from my bosses and also just me to myself.

I skip out on friends. Not constantly but enough. A lot of the days, I’d rather just be home with me and my dog. Or out hiking with my dog.

I skip going to the gym. I hate this one because it goes directly against a goal I have of wanting to be more fit and active. However, before work is over I get it into my head that I’m too tired.

I am tired a lot. I probably need more sleep. I also have been in therapy for depression/anxiety. Been given coping skills to challenge bad thoughts, etc.

My issue is I don’t want to be someone who doesn’t show up in life, ya know? I hate that running has become my tactic when life gets hard or scary or stressful. I don’t want to behave like a child or be so self-centered. I want others to respect me but most importantly I want to respect myself.

I know an easy solution is to “just do the thing” and that works for a week or so with me, and then one day I wake up and no amount of pep talks help.

I feel silly even posting this as a 30 year old adult woman. I’m hoping for some kind tips or tricks or advice or people who have maybe experienced and overcome similar feelings.

Please be kind.
Thank you.