I've been going through a lot of self discovery, and I'm currently in a phase of exploring women's clothes. I am not trans, but I don't like gender norms keeping me from wearing what I want to wear. I am not confident enough to wear anything out in public, but I've bought stuff like camisoles, skinny jeans, boxer brief panties, halter tops, dresses, clip on earrings, etc. I honestly like the way they look, even if some stuff can be a bit uncomfortable bc I'm not used to it. I have worn things like camisoles under my T-shirt out in public, and it's just fine. Like, not "euphoric," but I like it. I don't want it to be too big of a deal for me, just another set of clothes in my wardrobe to choose from.

I just got to thinking about what a potential partner might think, and it's just confusing. Because I still identify and present as a guy, and I don't have a problem with that. And I've found in my previous relationships that my partners have placed an emphasis on me being "their man." I like being a protective, strong man for my partner, but I don't want that to be mutually exclusive from me also wanting to express myself in these other ways. I want to be able to dress and do make up with my girlfriend and hope she finds me attractive whether I'm wearing a suit and tie or a sundress. I just don't know if that's realistic.

I don't have a better word this, but I'm definitely a "switch" in real life, in the sense that while I want to take care of my girlfriend, I want to feel taken care of as well. I want my partner to hold me, rest my head in their lap, run their fingers through my hair, and do for me what I do for them. I don't know if that's just what a relationship looks like, or if that gets into role reversal.